


Any Way but BacK

by Cacomagen



Category: Fallout - Fandom, Fallout 4
Genre: Bathtubs, Bisexual Male Character, Drunk Sex, Exploration, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gay Male Character, Gay Sex, Grief/Mourning, Identity Issues, M/M, Oral Sex, Permanent Injury, Porn With Plot, Robots, Serious Injuries, Sexual Experimentation, Sexual Tension, Showers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-05-18 22:50:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 31
Words: 45,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5946234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cacomagen/pseuds/Cacomagen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes we find ourselves changing more than we ever thought possible. In this story my sole survivor Elliot Kavinsky and RJ MacCready find themselves falling in love despite their grievous pasts. The question is can they hold it together in such a harsh world? Is anything really as it seems for Elliot?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A tight spot

**Author's Note:**

> If you would like to see more about Elliot and MacCready check out my [ Tumblr! ](http://cacomagen.tumblr.com)
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The apocalypse changes a man, even if the apocalypse happened over 200 years ago. I’m a thawed out relic from a bygone time. MacCready likes to introduce me (in all the bravado he can muster if he’s been drinking) as “Elliot Kavinsky! The man time forgot!” I thought I’d crawled out of that vault into hell the day I woke up. Not much has changed since then, I thought, as I lay back to back with my companion in these cramped quarters, taking turns peeing in the beer bottles scattered about us. When one would fill up we'd chuck it out and yell curses at the group pinning us down. This was humorous at first, but quickly became tiresome. We were almost completely out of supplies and as I tossed the latest bottle of piss away I wondered if we would regret not keeping them to drink. The fact that we could see our extra pack of supplies a few yards away really poured salt in our wounds.

The sun would be going down soon. It had been around a day and a half since we set out on our current job and here we were pinned down by gunners- tightly stuffed into a ticket booth already half filled with stinking debris as cover. On top of it all I had a bullet wound in my leg that just kept slowly oozing. It hurt like hell and the bandages were soaked. MacCready was of course furious at the fact that gunners had us in such a state. "If they didn't have rocket launchers I'd of already taken them all out myself," he winged. He really hates his former comrades and who could blame him?

The hours were dragging on painfully slow. As I lay listening to the gunners having a meal around the corner, laughing, and the steady sound of MacCready breathing as he rested I found my hand drawn to my pocket and feeling for the little toy soldier this mercenary had given me. His wife had carved it for him...before she died. I slowly tried to reposition myself without waking MacCready, took the soldier out of my pocket, and continued to turn it over in my hand. I couldn't understand why he gave it to me.. this token that had to mean so much to him. Of course I had helped him substantially in the past, but look at us now. I took this job and got us in this situation. He had already given me back my payment to him. I guessed he would leave if we made it out of this alive. A shame as we'd built up quite the reputation...I'd miss the guy. "Stupid sentiment," I muttered aloud. 

MacCready half rolled over and looked at me like I'd killed his dog. "Kav do you need something?" I quickly froze and felt my face grow warm. "What's with you?" He asked. "You're not getting a fever from that gunshot are you?" For some reason I was relieved he couldn’t see the soldier in my hand. 

"Ah..yeah I feel kinda woozy," I replied. He lifted his arm to check my wound and time stopped as we both stared in horror. His whole arm was soaked in my blood. The familiar darkness and deafening silence began to wash over me.

“God Kav…we have to get out of here- look how much blood you’re losing...this is so bad!”

Everything sounded so far away. I fumbled to put the soldier in my pocket. Guess I really was woozy. Darkness enveloped me and I knew no more.


	2. Hot water

Water....dripping. 

So hot. Burning up.

Suddenly the world rushed at me through a bursting tunnel of light and sensation. My heart was racing. I heard myself mumble a name I'd tried to forget. "Victoria." As my vision came into focus I found myself face to face with the little wooden soldier staring at me from a bed stand. It had blood on it and the base was chipped a little. Completely disoriented I began to sit up, but winced in pain as lightening shot through my right leg. I glanced back over at the soldier and noticed a scrap of paper with pencil markings on it. The handwriting was a nightmare, but I could make out enough to know MacCready had written it and was saying he would be back soon. The mercenary hadn't left after all. Getting a whiff of myself I realized how absolutely filthy I felt and had the irresistible urge to clean off.

Ever so slowly I leveraged myself to a sitting position to look around. I recognized this place. I was in Kellogg’s old hovel in Diamond City. Disgust washed over me. Why the fuck was I here of all places? I was in the hidden safe room- it had been converted to a makeshift bedroom and I was shut inside. “Fucking hell MacCready.” He must have had a good reason.

I continued to study the room and noticed a very large wash tub filled with murky water and bloody rags hanging on the rim. I looked down at my wound and the dressing was actually pretty clean, unlike the rest of me. Did he do all this? I decided that even if the water looked a little nasty I smelled worse and started the long hobble to the tub. I slowly stripped down to my underwear and threw my reeking, tore up clothes to the side. As I pulled myself up off the bed I knocked into the bed stand and the little soldier fell to the ground. “Oh man, I’m going to break this thing and I’ll never live it down.” Just as I was bending to pick it up the false wall started to open. I began to internally panic and froze there, mid stoop, holding that damn soldier and in nothing but my underwear. It didn’t even matter who was opening the wall- this was about to be embarrassing.

There MacCready stood, not too far from my bed, with a cigarette hanging from his mouth and a ridiculous look on his face.

"Boy oh boy Kav...I leave for a few hours and look what I come back to," MacCready said with a half cocked smile. "You really like that little soldier I gave you, huh?” He furrowed his brow at me. “Why the hell are you walking around in your skivs playing with tiny soldiers? You really had me worried.”

I could feel my face growing red. There was no hiding it. I stammered “Oh ah..I just..I just knocked it down is all.” I frowned a little. “I know it means a lot to you.” I couldn’t believe how embarrassing this was. At the same time I felt my leg giving way. One can only freeze standing in place for so long when their muscle is shredded from a bullet. I fell straight down- hard- half on the bed and half on the floor.

MacCready quickly paced over to the bed and roughly helped the rest of me up on the bed. “AH Jesus fuck!” I yelped. “Elliot seriously, what were you doing?” he asked. “I just went out to get us some food and clean water to redress your bandages.” I was honestly a little pissed at this point. Maybe not at MacCready himself, but this whole situation was making me furious. I tried to speak evenly. “I just wanted to clean up a little, I smell like shit.” 

He smirked again. “Yeah, you have been out for almost four days Kav. You’re a little ripe.”

“Four days!? What the hell did those bastards shoot me with!?” I demanded. “

He looked pretty serious. “I pulled a .50 cal out of your leg Kav- I can’t even tell you how much blood you lost. I really thought you were done.” 

I was taken aback. “Can you just help me to the damn tub?” 

He frowned again. “What do you want me to do? I carried your ass all the way back here and now you want a sponge bath?” 

I felt my blood boiling. Why was I so mad? He didn’t have to help me like this. There’s a doctor right in town for Christ sake. We both fell silent and just kind of sat there. 

My heart was racing. I needed to calm down. I looked at MacCready-really looked at him. I watched as he kneaded his shoulder and winced. I began to think. This guy is a fair shot smaller than I am..wirey little dude. I mean…he has some muscle to him, but damn- he carried me all the way back here from the theater? “What are you the Hulk?” I asked softly.

He raised an eyebrow at me. “The hell is the Hulk, Kav?” 

Ah yes, yet again I make a reference lost to time. Guess he hasn’t found any Hulk comics yet. I could feel my heart rate slowing. “Oh jeez, no one man.” 

He straightened up a little. “By the way…I’m real sorry to bring you back to this place, but well...we have no caps and we needed a safe place to heal you up.”

My eyes were at him like lasers. “What do you mean we have no caps?” 

MacCready ground out his cigarette on the bottom of his shoe and flicked it away. "You think I carried you out of that theater on my shoulder guns blazing?" He looked a little irritated. "I don’t think even I could manage something that amazing."

I propped myself up so I could see him better. "Oh? What did you do?"

He looked like he couldn't decide if he was proud or devastated. "Well.." he sighed. "Those idiot gunners we ran into hadn't gotten word of what we did to my former crew." Now he definitely looked proud of himself as he straightened his cap. "I made a bargain with those idiots." He paused as he let that sink in for me. "You were gonna die Kav- I had no choice...I told them I'd pay them all our caps if they let us walk out."

My stomach sank. "They seriously agreed to that?" I asked. "The gunners I know would just kill us and take the caps anyway." 

MacCready couldn’t look me in the eyes. “Well, you see, I told them we had a huge stash of caps back in Diamond City and we would meet and give it to them.” 

Oh man. “We don’t have a stash of caps.” I said softly. “I know, that’s the other reason I had you in this room. We were supposed to meet them 2 days ago and they said they’d kill us if we didn’t show up.” 

Fuck. “You’re telling me you got even more gunners pissed with you- after I just took care of the others for you?” This look crept up on MacCready’s face. One I had never seen on him before. He looked genuinely hurt.

I found myself watching as he got up and walked out into the other room, hanging his head lower than I had ever seen him hang it. My heart hurt as he disappeared around the corner. I felt like trash. He did anything he could think of to save my life. He even got himself right back into trouble when he had just crawled out of it. I was still holding the soldier, gripping it. “This is bullshit.” I muttered as I lay where MacCready left me. I really needed to get a handle on my emotions. They’ve been nothing short of a disaster since I woke up in that vault and my only friend was probably about to leave because of it.

As I sat there looking at that wooden soldier, brooding over my stupidity, MacCready walked back into the safe room with a big bucket of clean water hanging from each hand. He sat them down next to the tub, and then carried the tub outside. A few minutes later he returned with the empty wash tub and a towel. I just kept staring at him. What was he doing? I had just been such a dick to him. MacCready shuffled over to the bed and silently, almost gingerly took the soldier from my hands and placed it on the stand. He looked down at me and stretched his hand out to help me up and then he put my arm over his shoulder to walk me to the tub. He dipped his fingers in one of the buckets and then he lowered me into the wash basin. “You probably want to leave those undies on,” he remarked as he began to slowly pour the buckets into the tub with me. The water was hot! I groaned with all the bravado I could muster. “I haven’t had a hot bath in 200 years!” I joked. 

I caught him with a bemused look on his face as he left every once and a while and came back with more heated up water to pour in with me. The last thing he brought was a bar of soap. “This was in your pack on our last little excursion,” he quipped as he tossed it into the tub with me. The sight of me had to be hilarious: stuffed into that tub with my legs hanging out. I was still in a lot of pain, but damn this felt good. Better than anything I could ever imagine. I lay there soaking it all in as MacCready sat with his back to me, slowly dragging on a cigarette. I noticed a full size mirror near the tub and saw my reflection. My mind began to wander back to Victoria. She had been my wife…and Kellogg had murdered her while I watched helplessly from a cryo pod. I shook the memories out of my head and studied my face. My hair had turned grey when I emerged from my long sleep. I look quite a bit older than I am, only 30. What did it matter anyways? Most people who had heard of me didn’t want to come near me. I freaked them out. A glimpse of MacCready slightly looking over his shoulder at me snapped me back from my thoughts. “Uhhh, excuse me Mac, can I help you?” I said a little tauntingly.

This time MacCready was blushing. He quickly looked away and took a puff of his cigarette, slowly blowing it out of his nose. “You’ve never called me that before..” the merc said. “I was just making sure you’re still conscious Mr. fainter.” He stared to the side out the entry - presumably at the window across the way. I found myself studying him again. I had never noticed how blue his eyes were. He had also taken his hat off, revealing a full head of mussed up brown hair. My hair used to be brown. “You know,” he said, “you’re pretty fu-..darn heavy.” He turned around partway in his chair. “Now if you promise to behave I’ll come over there and help you out of the tub.” I guess I’d been in the water long enough. I hated to let the sensation of warm water go. I was still far too woozy to feel too much modesty at this point, but I still felt a little weird having him help me out of the tub in my soaked underwear.

Before long I was dried off and back in bed again. I glanced up and caught a quick glimpse of the toy soldier before the world went black to me again.


	3. Nightmares and vodka

I could see her face, filled with terror. My heart almost exploded with grief as I watched that man shoot my wife...shoot my wife and take our child. I could feel the sensation of being more lost than anyone could ever be. I was crawling on the floor. Crawling past icy sarcophagi all complete with the dead eyes of humanities past- staring at me, mouths agape. I could feel my body struggling to come to terms with the complete shock it was experiencing. Shapes blurred in and out of focus. So disoriented. I could see myself walking out of my old neighborhood, still in my vault 111 jumpsuit. My whole being is completely filled with being alone. I'm sobbing, absolutely sobbing and broken down. The sky is slowly turning red above me and I feel like my chest is going to burst as it heaves uncontrollably. 

The world begins to shake around me. Let it kill me. 

"Elliot!? Elliot are you ok!? Wake up!" 

Things began to blur into focus. MacCready was there, his face a few inches from mine and he was shaking me. He looked so concerned. He even looked to have tears in his eyes. My body was still heaving and my pillow was wet under my head. I tried to slow my heart as he kept gripping my shoulders. "What's going on?" I asked weakly. 

"You're asking me!?" He exclaimed. "Kav I've never seen anyone that fucked up, awake or asleep." 

I knew he must be serious if he was cursing. I wiped my nose with the back of my hand. "I was dreaming...I was dreaming about her...and about the vault." I said so quietly I wasn't sure he heard me. "MacCready I...I'm sorry. You don't need to see stuff like this..." I was still shaking a little. He had let go of my shoulders and was just sitting on the bed next to me. He reached for the blanket behind us and with a gesture I wasn't expecting at all. He quickly wrapped it around me and patted my shoulder. 

"Listen Kav." MacCready ever so slightly put the tips of his fingers on my leg and looked down at his feet. "I can't imagine what you're going through; even if I saw my wife die too...this world must be tearing you apart." I didn't know what the hell was going on. Why was he being so soft with me? This freaking idiot; he's done enough for me already. I pushed the blanket and MacCready's hand off of me at the same time. In one quick, fluid movement he pushed me back and pinned my wrists against the wall above my head. I averted my eyes from his, but I could feel him staring at me. 

"What the hell man?" I grunted at him. 

"I'm trying to help you Elliot. You need to let me help you." I brought my gaze up to his. His blue eyes looked so pained. He kept speaking. "When I lost my wife...I had no one…no one to help me. I had my son to try and care for and that was my world. He couldn't console me." He let my wrists go and I slowly lowered my arms to my lap. "I know I don't understand the world you came from, but I understand loss." He threw his arms up. "I don't know. I just can't stand to see you like this! I see myself and how lost I've been; how lost I still am. Hell, you still wear your wedding ring Kav."

This man continued to surprise me. Something in him was changing. He was still the same old sarcastic, cynical MacCready, but he was becoming so much softer around the edges when we were alone; when I was in pain. No one had ever talked to me in such a sincere manner. I wanted to believe him, but hell, I've never had many friends. Everyone always has an angle. I slowly twisted the wedding ring around my finger, fiddling with it. I caught his eyes with mine and he darted his away, putting his hands on his knees and frowning.

"Kav, we'll get you all healed up and then we'll go take out those gunners. Hell, we'll tear apart their whole gang if we have to AND we'll take all THEIR caps," he blurted out. As quick as he'd made this statement he'd gotten up and was getting everything together to redo my leg bandages. I let out a long and exasperated sigh.

I found myself staring at him as he stooped over to sift through a dresser drawer; the wooden soldier standing watch before him atop the bureau. He used to never take his beat to shit duster off, but ever since I was shot he’s always left it hanging on the wall next to my leather bomber jacket. He still always wears that hat though-won’t take it off. The day I woke up from being shot was the only time I'd ever seen him without his hat. I felt myself faintly smile as I pictured him without his hat on, hair mussed and in the air.

I continued to daydream as he dug through the dresser. "Where the heck did I put those bandages?" He grumbled. I found myself feeling a bit better as I watched him rummaging. Something in me felt strange. He just kept bending over, his butt stuck in the air. I never noticed it since he was always wearing that duster. This familiar warmth was creeping up my legs...and into my groin. "Woah woah woah!" I yelled at myself in my head. What the fuck was this. I quickly turned my head away from MacCready in embarrassment and pulled the blanket onto my lap. What the heck had gotten into me? It must be from waking up. Not a moment later he was heading back to the bed with bandages and vodka.

"I must be red...why am I so embarrassed?" I thought. He gave me a bit of a sideways look as he started to pull the blanket off my lap. I tugged the blanket back towards me. “Can we change my bandages a little later?” I asked. “I’m still feeling pretty shook up.” 

MacCready let go of the blanket and sat down on a stool next to the bed, bandages and vodka on his lap. “I guess,” he said. “Just remember it’s only been a few days and we need to keep that wound clean.” Why was this happening? I could feel myself at least half mast below the blanket. I had thought I’d lost pretty much all sexual drive after being frozen. This was maybe the second hard on I had gotten since waking up in the vault. It felt good to know the darn thing still had the potential to work though. No one wants their dick to stop working.

“Well, I was going to use the vodka to clean your wound out, but want to have a drink instead?” He reached his hand out toward me with the bottle and gave it a few little shakes. I couldn’t even focus on what he was saying to me. He was saying some stupid shit about drinking me under the table and forgetting about my dream. I focused on willing my erection away- mustering everything I could to just make it go limp.

Next thing I know he’s plopping down on the bed next to me with the drink and some shot glasses, putting his arm around my shoulder. “It’s already evening anyways Kav; you slept the whole day away. I know vodka is one of your favorites” Could he…sense what was going on and he’s torturing me because he thinks it’s funny?

I literally felt like I was going insane. The moment I felt human contact my erection was back and raging. It hurt..really bad. When was the last time my body had an orgasm? My life had become one giant series of awkward events. All I could do was ignore it and hope it goes away; MacCready sure wasn’t going to let up on this whole drinking thing. I narrowed my eyes and snatched a glass from him. “Nobody drinks me under the table, even if I have a bullet hole in me. Pour me a shot big mouth.”


	4. Dilemma in darkness

I awoke with a jolt to complete darkness. I had the sensation of back in the old days when the power had gone out in your house and you wake up in the middle of the night, no alarm clock, no anything to light the room. You’ve lost all track of time and feel completely disoriented. That’s how this felt. I moved my good leg and heard shot glasses quietly “tink” as I jostled them on the bed. I heard the sound of a bottle fall to the hard floor and roll away, then a very quiet groan next to me.

My brain caught up with what had happened earlier as I felt MacCready roll over next to me and drape his arm over my stomach. The little bugger had challenged me to a drinking match and I’m not even sure who won. I told him he had to take his hat off for a whole day if he lost. We must have both just blacked out right where we had been sitting because both our legs were halfway off the end of the bed. My head was swimming and I was definitely still drunk. We must not have passed out too long ago since it was still dark.

As I lie there I felt his arm on my stomach and I drunkenly recalled how concerned he was for me earlier. I still couldn’t grasp why he was making so much effort, especially while in this sorry state, but the thought moved something in me. I had the urge to just keep drinking; to just drink all these questions out of my skull. Groping beside the bed through the darkness my hand met with one of the other bottles of liquor Mac had grabbed earlier on. I propped myself up partway and took a large gulp of it as his arm fell to my side. I had found the bottle of rum. I continued to take swigs of the drink and eventually began to poke MacCready in the arm with the bottle. I frowned to myself as he barely stirred. Well, he is smaller than me. “He’s probably still trashed,” I bluntly said aloud.

For a moment I thought I had woke him up. He mumbled something incoherently and I found myself moving my head closer to his. His hat was off. Maybe I did win. He continued to mumble, or maybe I was just too drunk to understand him. Either way he sounded kind of upset. I moved my ear near him and hit me like lightning: he was mumbling for me not to go. Was that really what he was saying? I slowed my breathing and listened closer.

“Please Elliot…don’t go away…I can’t go back. Not alone. Not alone.” Mac was whimpering. A feeling came over me I can’t describe. I hesitantly put my arm around him and pulled him all the way up into the bed with me, keeping my arm around his waist. I had no fucking clue what was happening right now, but I just went with it. He went silent for a few moments and then he began to mumble sadly to himself again. “El…liot, not again. No.” My drunken heart couldn’t take this. I figured he was going to ditch me and all this time he was terrified of me leaving him alone again. My addled mind tried to process this. I found myself scooting closer to him and holding him even more tightly. We both reeked of booze, but he was so warm, even hot. My whole body was tingling.

MacCready stirred a little and quietly said my name, but did not wake. The way he said my name made me feel warm, like before. This time I didn’t fight it. I didn’t have the will to. I felt my dick bulge against my pants as it grew hard. Mac was brushing ever so slightly against it and the sensation was unbelievably strong. My erection pulsed against his leg like a slow, erratic heartbeat. I could feel his breath against the front of my neck. This and every sensation I was feeling was heightened and climbing. Was this right? Even as drunk as I was I could feel how pivotal this moment was. I was far too drunk to really think on this now, but I knew this had to mean something. I couldn’t get an erection to save my life since the vault and I just got two in one day.

The rum was really hitting me now. I didn’t even know how the hell I could have such a raging boner while being completely trashed. I moved my head slightly closer to his and the room began to spin. MacCready stirred again and this time I froze. I was terrified of how he’d react to this closeness, to me holding him. This was blind territory for me. I bit my lip as he stirred once more. I was completely breathless; I wondered if I should move away from him. He said my name again and was silent.

This was agonizing. What was I supposed to do? The world around my continued to spin as I shuffled myself a little higher up in the bed, moving my cock off of his leg and near his stomach. My body instantly ached to have contact with my penis again, but I stayed where I was-my arm draped over him and my feet tangled with his. This time he stirred to consciousness. I froze and held my breath again as I felt him try to orient himself, holding his head up off the bed slightly. The silence in the room was almost unbearable. I braced myself for him to push me off, for violence of some sort, for him to yell.

Instead he put his free arm around me and pulled himself closer to me. As he did this he scooted his head under my chin. One or both of us was trembling. Somewhere in my brain I was thankful for how dark it was. We both just lie there, drunk and silent. I felt his breath even closer to my neck now, hot and slightly erratic. My dick was reveling in the sensation of his stomach up against it and I couldn’t take much more of this stalemate. My complete failure to act sickened me and as I lay there beginning to panic he softly placed his lips against my neck. He just rested them there, nothing more. My mind was racing, questioning what he was doing.

The feeling of his lips on my neck brought the spinning darkness to a fever pitch. My cock pulsed out of control against his stomach as he slowly, lightly moved his lips like he was saying something. If he was, no sound came out. I wasn’t sure he knew what he was doing, but it felt amazing. I hadn’t had human contact in so long, so very long. I thought this alone might make me come. I found myself losing control, but I was too terrified to do anything. This was too foreign, yet too familiar. It stopped me in my tracks and I had nowhere to go. 

Everything began to spin faster around me and for a brief moment I noticed from the corner of my eye that the sun was becoming a sliver on the horizon out the far window. Those lips were driving me mad. Everything blurred and I saw darkness again.


	5. The color red

Like when I awoke the previous day, I was totally disoriented. I was staring up at the ceiling and my head was splitting in pain. I let out a light groan and shifted my head to the left. There was Mac, still passed out. As I watched him sleep the night before came rushing back to me and I could feel myself turn completely red. Just as this was hitting me I caught something at the edge of my vision. MacCready’s shirt was pulled partway up past his stomach and bright crimson stood out in stark contrast to the white bandages wrapped around his midriff. I completely forgot about my embarrassment and shot up in bed. “What the fuck?” I said aloud as I moved closer to the bandages for a better look. They were almost completely soaked in blood. I began to shake MacCready’s shoulder, but he didn’t even stir.

“Oh God, MacCready,” I said as my heart began to pound out of control. I looked around the bed for the bandages he had pulled out last night and grabbed a now almost empty bottle of vodka. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I blurted out. “Wake the fuck up Mac.” I began to pull the bloody bandages off his wound. It looked pretty bad. He had a very large wound with other smaller ones peppered around it. I guessed it was from a shotgun blast. All of the gashes were sewn shut and it looked to be done by a professional, but a lot of them looked pretty infected. Almost unsurprising considering how dirty he was. I began to bite my lip as I glanced back up at MacCready, still unconscious, mouth wide open. I dumped some vodka onto a bandage and pressed it onto the largest wound. With this act MacCready gasped loudly as he lifted his head and opened his eyes.

It was a relief to see him awake, but I yelled at him not to get up. He was still bleeding and all this movement was making it even worse. He was breathing heavily and his brow was sweaty as he lay back down. I continued to clean and dress his wounds. “Mac…just what the hell is this all about?” I asked. He didn’t reply so I finished what I was doing in silence, lifting him up and wrapping a long bandage around his body. When I was done I sat down on the bed near his head and put my hand on his forehead. He was burning up.

I was feeling a little perturbed, but mostly worried. “MacCready, please tell me how you got shot; when did this happen?” I asked. I was practically begging, but part of me wanted to hide how concerned I really was. He turned his head away from me and sighed heavily. I hung my head a little and said “let me get some water.” I got back up and headed to the other room. I drank a glass and then I came back to the bed and held the cup to his mouth. “You need to drink this Mac.” I said earnestly. He took a few gulps and then he took the cup from me and finished it. As I took the cup back from him he began to speak.

“Elliot…I didn’t want you to find out,” he said. I asked him what he meant. He looked up at me into my eyes. “The Gunners would have never made a deal with us- like you said Kav.” I was dumfounded. “You were passed out for quite a while before we got out of that theater,” he said.

“So you never paid them any caps?” I asked.

MacCready balled his hands into fists at his side. “I threw you over my shoulder and ran you the hell out of there the moment night fell,” he said. I stared at him with my mouth open. “You did what?”

He looked completely serious. “They caught me in the side with a shotgun as I ran through to the doors...the blast almost hit you, but I turned in time.” He coughed and wiped the sweat from his forehead. “I spent most of our money on getting us stitched back together and paying off guards so we could squat here.”

My head throbbed as I continued to silently stare at him, trying to process what he was telling me. After what felt like forever I furrowed my brow at him, “why would you do that? Why didn’t you just leave me Mac?”

He put his hand where his wounds were and kept his eyes locked with mine. “Don’t you get it Elliot?” He said quietly. “I didn’t care if I died trying to save you. If I’d lost you in that theater I may as well have died there with you anyways.” He reached over and took my hand in his. “I wanted to take care of you, help you heal up. I didn’t want you to worry about me,” he said with a rasp. “I didn’t want you trying to run around before you were better either…so I made that story up.” He looked forlorn, maybe embarrassed, like he was waiting for me to beat his ass. The guy honestly looked like he was going to pass out.

I was completely overwhelmed. Releasing my hand from his I turned and buried my face in my hands to hide the tears forming in my eyes. “You fucking idiot.” I said quietly. “Were you just ignoring your own injuries then?” I turned my face to him. “You know, if you die I’m back on my own again too.”

For a moment we just quietly looked at each other. I had tears trickling down my face, my head was a cacophony of thuds, and I felt emotionally and physically exhausted. Mac raised his eyebrows and bunched his lips to the side in an almost sarcastic manner. “At least we’ll both have some cool new scars?” He half grinned and continued to look into my eyes; I realized I was becoming more comfortable with looking into his. He began to try and scoot up in the bed, wincing in pain. I pulled myself up off the bed and helped him prop up against a few pillows. 

“I guess I get to help you out now,” I said. “You bled all over the damn bed though, you animal,” I softly chuckled as I wiped the tears from my eyes. I hadn’t cried since the day I walked through my burned out neighborhood.

MacCready grabbed my arm and pulled me down next to him with surprising strength. “You little shit- you coulda sat up yourself,” I smirked and leaned back on some pillows. We just sat there in silence for a few minutes. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the quiet, trying to calm myself. “Kav?” He said quizzically. “When you first saw me, what made you hire someone like me?” 

God, why is he asking me stuff like this now? “You’re delirious MacCready; you need to rest.” I said in response.

“No really, why did you hire me?” He asked again woozily. “I don’t have the best rep.” He sounded pretty out of it; I wished he would rest and not talk about stuff like this.

I couldn’t look him in the eyes, but I told him, “when I stumbled across you in that dirty bar…I didn’t know anyone…and there you were offering to watch my back the moment we met. Even if it was for caps that was the closest thing to a friend I had at that moment.” I turned and looked at him with the corners of my eyes. “I know that’s pathetic, but I was so lost.” I frowned as I spoke.

Mac laid his hand on my leg, very lightly, and then he moved his hand to mine and interlaced our fingers. This felt so good, so familiar. His hand was rough, but warm.

Fuck it. I scooted closer to him and rested my head on his shoulder. He made a little noise like he was surprised and I could feel him hold his breath. He began to slowly caress my fingers with his and I felt my heart begin to race. He took his arm and put it back behind my shoulders and began to stroke my hair. I let out a quiet sigh. “That feel good?” He asked. As I was about to say yes, he turned his head and looked me in the eyes. “Kav, I’m sorry I scared you. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to go back to the way things were…back when I was wandering around alone.” He lightly put his nose to mine and continued to play with my hair, massaging the tender spot where your head meets your neck. I felt like I was in a trance. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” I breathed. 

He moved his lips ever so close to mine, just barely touching. “Promise me?” He muttered quietly. 

“I swear.”

He pulled his head back just enough to look into my eyes, his own just barely darting back and forth as he stared. He looked relieved. With his hand behind my neck he gently pulled me toward him and nuzzled his nose next to mine. Slowly planting tiny kisses near my lips he said almost giddily, “I can’t believe you really like me.” His movements began to slow and his breathing was getting heavier. I figured he must be exhausted and I was still worried about his wounds. I pressed my forehead to his. “Hey,” I said, “come on and let’s take a nap.” I could see that he was way ahead of me on that front as he began to doze off while he leaned against me. I sat there for a long moment, just letting the feeling of someone being close to me soak in. 

I moved him back against the pillows and pulled the covers up over him. He stirred and mumbled to me- asking me not to leave. I put my hand on his shoulder. “Sure Mac.” I couldn’t help but grin to myself a little. The sun was already setting again, so I lit a few candles and figured I better go relieve myself. When I came back he was already softly snoring. I quietly sat on the edge of the bed and watched over him as he slept. I was exhausted myself, but I couldn’t stop playing out everything that had just happened in my head. Never in a million years did I see myself where I am now, post-apocalyptic world aside. I felt like none of this was real. Everything that has happened since the vault has been a completely new experience for me. This was no different. I couldn’t see any reason to stop it from playing out. This new world was terrifying, but at the same time completely liberating. I could be, do and feel anything I wanted. This was a new life, a new beginning for me.

My brain couldn’t handle anymore deep thought and my stomach growled loudly. Not only was I hung over, but neither of us had eaten in a day. This type of thing had become more common lately anyways. I’d just sleep through the hunger. I took in one last long look at MacCready as he slept and then I crept under the blankets next to him. For the first time since I crawled out of that stinking vault I felt at ease. I caught a glimpse of the wooden soldier dancing in the candle light, then placid darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> Thank you to @Schmutzdad for the amazing art for this chapter!


	6. The Best Medicine

The sun was just starting to peek over the horizon when I blinked my eyes open. It was nice to see it. Until yesterday we had been keeping the safe room door shut, but now that I knew no one was coming to kill us shutting it didn’t seem necessary. I looked over at MacCready. He was still passed out with one of his legs hanging off the bed. I thought back to all the times I’d woke him up for jobs in the past. He was almost always in some weird position on his bed, mouth wide open, limbs draped randomly. The thought made me smile… and it dawned on me I hadn’t really been smiling since I found myself awake in vault one eleven. I shook my head and frowned, almost disallowing myself to dare such a thing. Getting out of bed I hobbled around to MacCready’s dangling leg, pulling it up onto the bed for him. This didn’t seem to stir him at all.

Gently shaking Mac’s shoulder I told him to wake up in a low voice. I figured I better have a doctor look at his wounds- probably mine too while we were at it. He made a little groaning noise and winced a little, but didn’t open his eyes. He mumbled something about being really hot. I wondered how he was even talking to me last night and as thoughts of our conversation came to me I felt a bit embarrassed, but also kind of excited. I found myself hoping all of that wasn’t just MacCready being delirious…but hell; maybe it would be better that way. We’re a couple of walking disasters. I still couldn't help but stare at him for a moment. As my mind began to wander I forced myself to snap out of it and give the current situation the attention it needed. MacCready may have been talking and seemingly half coherent last night, but he could end up in serious trouble if we didn’t take care of this infection.

It dawned on me that to see a doctor I would need caps. I began to scan the room; did we have any caps left? Where would Mac have put them? He’s a sneaky little bastard and could have hid them anywhere. As I looked around, my eyes stopped on his duster hanging on the wall across the room. I glanced at the painting of a moose near where the jacket hung. What was with people in the Commonwealth and moose pictures? I figured his jacket was good a place as any to start looking and slowly made my way over to it. I was starving at this point and felt so sluggish. It was like a strange mix of lethargy and urgency mingling inside me and it was quite uncomfortable. As I stood looking at his duster hanging next to my bomber jacket I briefly realized how much smaller Mac’s shoulders are than mine. His attitude has always made him seem larger than life. I brushed my hand across the duster and pulled it down to inspect it.

My leg was already starting to ache so I sat in a chair nearby and spread the duster across my lap. I flipped it a few different ways on my lap and realized it didn’t have any outer pockets, so I began to check the inside lining. I found a deep pocket pretty quickly and reached inside. My hand met with a pouch and I pulled it out. Ah, it was my black leather pouch I had scavenged the day I left that vault; it felt light, but it still had a little weight to it. Spilling its contents into my free hand I counted around 20 caps...not very many, but better than nothing. Luckily I’m pretty good at haggling. MacCready’s cheap ass had taught me to save every cap I could. Something in me wanted to check for other pockets. I couldn’t resist the urge to peek through his jacket- I may never get this chance again I figured.

The other side of the duster had a second deep pocket inside and I slowly, guiltily reached down into it. My hand brushed across some bullets; that’s no surprise. I felt a spoon, a pack of cigarettes, and a lighter- then I felt some folded paper. Hmmm…I wondered if I should be invading his privacy like this, but my curiosity was piqued. I pulled the paper out and immediately recognized it as I unfolded it. When I had met and hired MacCready I had stupidly insisted on writing up a contract. He had looked at me like I was absolutely insane, but said if I was paying he didn’t care what I wanted to do. It was all so ridiculous looking back. What the hell would I had done with this piece of paper had he broken our agreement? I shook my head and looked the paper over. I was actually pretty surprised to see the thing considering I’d torn it in half and left it on the counter of an abandoned hotel we’d hunkered down in one night. Mac had given me my caps back that day- not soon after I’d helped him get that serum for his son. I felt a little twinge in my heart as I thought about Duncan, but quickly pushed the thought out of my mind. The contract was taped back together- duct tape carefully cut in small strips and holding the pieces together on the back. “That idiot,” I said quietly as I slowly exhaled. I gave the paper one more glance. His signature was definitely something to behold. I guess they don’t teach cursive these days.

I had gotten side tracked enough. I folded the contract back up and carefully put it where I’d found it, hung the duster back up, and then I began to get into some cleaner clothes. As I dressed myself I wondered what I should do with MacCready. I was certainly in no shape to carry his ass to see Doctor Sun, but I doubted 20 caps would buy a house call. On top of that we weren’t even supposed to be in this shack. What a predicament. I glanced over at his still form on the bed and my mind began to race for an answer. Maybe I could get some antibiotics. I had no idea if stimpaks worked for this type of thing, but I sure knew antibiotics would do the job. I wished MacCready was in good enough shape to walk to see the doctor with me. It would be way easier to get the doc to check his wounds if Mac was already there looking like hell right in front of him. I decided I better go see the doctor and wing it from there. The longer I took thinking things over the longer Mac lay there suffering.

Giving MacCready one last glance as I headed out of the safe room and to the door leading outside I felt a heavy sense of dread. I tried to keep my mind away from any dark thoughts and stepped out into the light of day. The sunlight was blinding and it was actually quite windy out. As I walked headfirst into the strong gusts I double checked my pockets for the meager caps I had to work with. I worked my hand down into the pouch and nervously fiddled with them as I limped my way down the makeshift walkway leading toward the center of town. My mind began to wander as I slowly and painfully made my way. Part of me wanted to explain away everything that had been going on with MacCready. The way he looked at me last night, his bright blue eyes gazing at me with such hope and equal pain; the closeness of his lips to mine. And now the contract in his pocket…how could I dismiss that. Something deep inside me was fighting all of this tooth and nail, even if the answer was glaringly obvious. Maybe I was too scared of losing someone again or too scared to put him in the same position. Thinking of how alike we are scared me, but was comforting at the same time. There was also the whole Mac being a guy thing. Now there was some new territory. It was probably the least of my worries, but I wondered if it was new for him too.

Any more thoughts on the matter would have to wait because before I knew it I was walking up to Doctor Sun’s “office.” The man blankly greeted me as if he’d never met me before. Whatever. I asked him if he had any antibiotics and he looked at me like I was nuts. 

“Pure antibiotics?” He asked. 

“No the watered down version please,” I replied sarcastically. He rolled his eyes at me. I realized I better tone it down and suck up to this guy if I wanted to help Mac. I softened my voice. “Listen Doctor Sun…I ah…I have a friend who has a bad infection. I thought maybe antibiotics could help him.” 

The doctor gave me a sideways look. “You’re the guy that mercenary drug in here a while back aren’t you? I stitched both of you up. You were basically coated in blood at the time- I didn’t recognize you at all.” He continued to eyeball me like he didn’t trust me. “So where’s the mercenary then?” He asked. I really didn’t have time for twenty questions. He was starting to annoy me. 

“Look,” I said in the most even voice possible. “That mercenary is my friend and those wounds you stitched up are infected as hell. I need to get some medicine in him.” The way this man was looking at me began to make me panic inside. The thought of just robbing him flashed through my head, but I quickly dismissed it. I wondered what was getting into me.

Doctor Sun gave me an exasperated look and pulled a large box out from under a table. "You have to keep injuries like that clean or they get infected very quickly," he began to drone on and on about properly caring for wounds and different medicines that can clear up infections. He was rummaging through the box as he spoke. 

I listened to him for a bit, but finally cut him off. "What's the cheapest thing you have doc?" 

He stopped and raised an eyebrow at me. "No caps then?" He asked. 

I told him I had some caps, but maybe I could be of some service if I was short. I knew better than to show my hand and spill how broke I was. After all, we still needed to eat. The doctor held out a small syringe filled with blue liquid in the palm of his hand. "Stimpaks already have antibiotics in them, this one just has higher concentrations in it," he said as he placed it in my hands. "I do hope you have something you can pay for this with, but I'm not going to just let your friend go untreated," he said. 

"Will just one of these be enough?" I asked the doctor. 

"Yes that should fix him right up and quite quickly I might add," he replied. With those words I felt quite a bit calmer. This guy was so much nicer than I was expecting. I fished ten caps out of my pouch and handed them to Doctor Sun. 

"Will this be enough?" I asked with the best sheepish smile I could muster. He made a little sigh and accepted the caps. I kinda failed at haggling here, but I was in a hurry at this point. 

"Only because the mercenary paid me so well the last time,” he said as he stuffed the caps in his pocket. That guy was practically throwing caps at me. You must have gotten into some real trouble."

I half bit my lip, half bunched it to the side, almost giving a smile. "Yeah you could say that, thanks doc." 

We spoke a few minutes longer and he briefly checked my leg, which he thought looked to be healing pretty well. As I left the doctor a part of me wanted to rush straight back to Mac and give him the medicine, but I needed to get some food. I honestly wasn't in the mood to cook anything so I grabbed a few cup noodles and Nuka Colas with the last of our money. I guessed we'd have to sell some gear soon...or maybe there was some junk in that shack we could pawn off. With everything we needed at least for the day purchased I made my way back up to Kellogg's place with nothing but finally getting to eat and fixing Mac up on my mind. The winds were picking up even more and I could feel the humidity rising; a storm would be rolling in soon. I love storms and I hoped Mac would be awake to enjoy it with me.

By the time I got back the sun was barely showing through black clouds and raindrops were slowly beginning to fall, pattering on the tin roof. The day was already waning and with the sun under cloud cover the place was almost pitch black inside. I stood in the doorway and quietly called out to MacCready, hoping he had awoken while I was gone. I got no response so I set our dinner on the bureau in the safe room and began to light some candles. Now that I could see I pulled the medicine out of my pocket and headed over to the bed. He looked to be in a different position than when I left, so that was a good sign. I sat on the edge near his head and quietly said his name again as I felt his forehead. 

He was still very hot and his brow was slick. I turned the syringe over in my hands, round and round. The idea of just sticking him with a needle while he slept didn't sit very well with me. It'd probably scare the shit out of him. I frowned and put my hand on his shoulder. "Mac I'm sorry, but we need to get this medicine in you." I pulled the blanket covering his midriff down and wondered where I should stick the needle. I decided on his upper thigh and pulled his shorts up to expose his skin. The rain outside began to turn into a torrent. "Don't punch me Mac," I said as I pushed the needle into his leg.

MacCready opened his eyes and gasped as I pulled the needle from his leg, checking to be sure I got every last bit of antibiotic into him. He coughed a little and I realized he's probably dehydrated. "Hang on I'll get you some water." I told him as I quickly fetched something for him to drink. I sat back down near his head and helped him drink. When he was finished he woozily stared into my eyes. His eyes looked so sad, so blue. I felt my heart soften. "Mac I was really worried," I said as I pulled the blanket back over him. 

He finally spoke. "Don’t worry about me; I was having some pretty nice dreams." He winced and put his hand to his side. "I can feel whatever you pricked me with doing its thing." I wanted to make that remark into a joke, but decided against it. The wind began to pick up and thunder shook our meager surroundings.

I got up and checked out a window. It was quite the storm raging out there. You could hear things being blown into the walls outside. I looked back over at MacCready. "I got some noodle cups, why don't we eat- think you can sit up?" I asked. He gave a little smile and pulled himself up to lean on the wall behind him. I was so relieved to see him sitting up. All the stress of the day began to melt away as I sat next to him with our dinner. "I dunno about you, but I am absolutely starving," I told him as I handed him his share. He opened up his cola and as he began to sip it I remembered what the doctor had said. "You know it's going to be your turn for a bath; we need to get you clean so you don't get an infection again." With these words Mac about spat his drink out and lowered the bottle blushing. "Hey, doctor’s orders," I laughed. "When's the last time you cleaned up anyways?" I asked him half mockingly. He looked a little embarrassed and I instantly regretted poking fun at him. 

He made this clearly fake gruff face. "I haven't had anyone to impress in a very long time," he said in a low voice. "You never commented on it before..." I felt like a total dick. It wasn't my business. 

Look I uh, I understand," I said. "Really before I met you I wasn't taking much care of myself. I was totally alone and didn't give a shit. Just having someone around helped me get a grip."

He began to eat his noodles with a forlorn look on his face, so I did the same. The storm continued on outside and I tried to internally enjoy it. When we were done I cleared everything off the bed and stood looking down at him. I couldn't figure out how genuinely hurt he was and how much of it was just pouting...or just one or the other. I figured he's probably just wore out and crabby. What was visible of the sun was already setting and I was honestly exhausted. All that walking on my tore up leg was really tiring. I stood there awkwardly wondering again if he remembered last night and where I should sleep. "Mac I'm...well I'm really glad you're ok," I said as I scratched the back of my head. 

He gave me a half smile and said "thanks." He looked like he was off somewhere else. I awkwardly shuffled to the mattress in the other room he'd been sleeping on before, glancing at the wooden soldier as I walked by.

I lay there on the mattress for a good while just listening to the rain and thunder, staring up at the random flickers of candlelight and lightning flashes. I don't know how long I was out, but I groggily awoke to the sound of uneven footsteps behind me and the receding storm. I didn't move; my back was facing the footsteps. I felt a blanket get thrown over me, then the mattress slowly compress behind me as Mac crawled under the blanket with me. I could hear him breathing and feel his warmth seeping into the bed with my own. It felt nice. "Storms freak me out," he whispered as he scooched closer to me, resting his face so it was touching the back of my head. I let out a small chuckle and scooted closer to him. Guess he hadn’t forgotten last night after all. Doctor Sun wasn’t kidding when he said that medicine would work quickly either. This time I let myself smile as I felt some courage building up in me.

I needed to stop overthinking. I found myself almost blurting the words out. “You never elaborated on those nice dreams you mentioned earlier Mac.” Oh God, well, that was forward. I was screaming inside. There was no going back from that remark. The room was dead silent. I couldn’t even feel Mac breathing. 

He suddenly moved his lips right next to my ear and spoke in a very deep and low tone, almost with a warm hum in his voice. “What if I was dreaming about you?” I froze and bit my lip as I began to feel intensely warm. He went right for one of my main weaknesses: my ears. He couldn’t have known, but the damage was already done. Bravo.

He continued to slowly breathe next to my ear, waiting for my response. I finally replied, “I’d wonder why you were dreaming about your former boss; there’s no caps involved there.” He let out a small chuckle and lay back down. I had to make a joke, didn’t I? I was in too deep now. I felt almost drunk off the warmth he’d left on my ear. Letting out one long breath I rolled over to face him, draping my arm over his chest in one motion. “I’m sorry Mac, I don’t know what I’m doing.” I half stuttered, half whispered to him. 

He partially rolled over and brought his face close to mine. “Neither of us ever knows what we’re doing,” he said. “We’re both lost Kav.”

I brought my face a little closer to his and breathed, “lost together.” With my reply MacCready let out the only thing I could describe as a cute giggle. It hit me hard. MacCready is fucking cute. I’d been walling it all up, using excuses- Victoria, fear, none of it mattered. Look how badly injured we were from doing a simple job; we could die tomorrow.

With that thought I placed my hand behind Mac’s head and swirled my fingers through his hair. I could barely see, but I could tell he’d closed his eyes. I pulled him toward me, closing the gap between our faces and kissing his lips. He flinched for a brief moment, and then returned my affections in kind. I felt locked in this moment, wondering why I’d avoided this for so long. Long before either of us were wounded; this had been building up for months and I’d always ignored it. Even after last night I was ready to dismiss it. Flashes of me catching him staring went through my mind as I nibbled on his bottom lip. So many things I’d ignored. So many chances missed. Mac broke our kiss and began to laugh almost giddily. “I thought maybe I was wrong about last night!” He blurted out between giggles. 

That dork always laughs when he’s nervous. I found myself smiling again. MacCready is so damn cute.


	7. Hit the Showers

The night had passed in a blur, which I lamented greatly. Kissing MacCready had lifted a weight from me that I could not have fathomed. Feeling his lips on mine, seeing how absolutely happy that moment made him...it overshadowed all the terrible things I'd seen. And God had I seen some shit. Rifling through another dilapidated dresser I wondered if anything in this run down shack could make us some caps. It was already turning into the afternoon and I was almost done digging through this whole place. I had been as quiet as possible to let Mac rest up. He may act tough and the antibiotics may have helped him a lot, but he still had some very bad wounds that needed to heal. I was sure he'd be angry with me for exerting myself, but we needed caps if we wanted to eat.

Pulling open the last drawer I dug around and found a locket. Inspecting it further though, it was beyond selling- rusty and falling apart. With a frustrated sigh I tossed it back into the drawer with a clank. I was startled by the sound of Mac's voice behind me. "I hope you'll be that rough with me sometime." He was still lying in bed and had the blanket pulled to his chin with a sly look on his face. I was definitely blushing and turned my head away in embarrassment. "Anyways," he said, "I already cleaned this place out when I first brought you here Elliot." Fucking dammit...what a waste of time. I kicked the drawer shut and flopped onto a tore up recliner near the mattress Mac was lying on.

I put my elbows on my knees and rested my chin in my palms as I stared at MacCready, openly perturbed. "I just spent like 2 hours scouring this shit dump," I scowled.

MacCready lowered his chin and made his eyes big while pouting his lips. "That's so sad Elliot," he said in a taunting voice. Those eyes would be the death of me. 

I pulled myself up out of the chair and walked up to the bed, peering down at Mac. "What do you suppose we're gonna do for food smartass?" 

He made a face like he was hurt and said, "I have some caps over in my duster." I began to laugh.

"What's so funny?" He asked me. 

I began to laugh harder. "No we're broke as hell if that was all of our money. I spent it on your medicine and our dinner last night." 

"Damn...I guess that makes sense," he said as he reached to grab my hand. I dodged away and gave him a sarcastic look. 

"We'll figure something out. In the meantime I have a surprise in store for your dirty little behind." I said tauntingly.

Mac propped himself up on one elbow and stared at me. "A surprise? For me?" He said in an almost sarcastic tone. I chuckled to myself at the thought. I was either a genius or he was going to hate me. Guess I would find out. The first thing I did when I woke up was hobble over to the Diamond City security headquarters. It was the only place in the city I could remember seeing showers that looked like they might work. I figured I had to one up him on the hot bath he gave me the other day. 

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Yeah well, the surprise is assuming you can walk somewhere; think you can manage?" I teased. Mac's eyes lit up and he grinned. Any type of challenge usually got him going. He was like a kid in so many ways.

I reached down and grabbed his hand, helping him up off the bed as I spoke. "It's not a very long walk at least." He began to head toward his duster, but I stopped him. "There's no need for that right now MacCready- just get some pants on and we can head out." He dressed himself while I fidgeted near the door. I didn't know why I was so nervous, but I was. I hoped he couldn't tell. Once Mac was dressed we made our way outside. There were huge puddles of rainwater everywhere and lots of debris strewn about from the previous night's strong winds. 

MacCready whistled. "That was some storm last night." He followed it with a wink in my direction and I chuckled. 

The security area wasn't too far and MacCready realized where we were headed pretty quickly. "Why on Earth are you taking me to Diamond City Security?" He asked with raised eyebrows. I made a zipping motion on my lips and smiled as we walked through the entrance. We hadn't walked too far in when one of the guards greeted us. The guy already knew why we were here and of all the amazingly ridiculous things to do he gave me a fist bump, then turned to the other guards in the area and gave them a motion with his head to come on and follow him. I laughed and shook my head as everyone else filed out to other room, leaving us alone. MacCready just kept glancing from me to the guards with a dumbfounded look on his face. "What the heck is all this Kav?" He asked with a huff.

I savored his confusion for a moment, but didn't leave him hanging too long. Leading him to the back of the room he finally realized what was up. An entryway into a locker room lay ahead of us and a few of its showers were in sight. He let out a half laugh half groan and leaned his forehead on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him, then turned him around and led him into the locker room by his shoulders. "It's time for both of us to move on." I said in a low voice. "Wash it all away." I could feel his shoulders trembling under my hands. I wasn’t sure what made me say that, but it was too late now.

When we got to the locker I'd put our supplies in, we stopped in front of it and Mac turned around. He looked up at me with pained eyes. "Everyone we've loved is gone," he said as he moved closer to me. I nodded slowly, letting him speak. "I never thought I'd find someone who gave a crap about me again...and here you are taking care of me," he said in almost a whisper. "I really thought I'd just let myself die once I lost Duncan too." A few tears ran down his cheeks and he was quivering as he spoke, leaning into my chest. 

I put my arms around him and breathed in deeply. "This is a new start for us," I said. 

He looked into my eyes again. "Elliot I'm so scared of losing you; I always have been. I'm never going to let anything happen to you again." He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed like he was trying to keep me from blowing away. 

“Everything will be fine as long as we stick together,” I said as I squeezed him back. “Remember you said that to me once.” I felt his nod of agreement against my chest and hoped neither of us would regret the statement. 

It was still almost unbelievable to feel someone close to me again, touching me like this. It was something concrete, like an anchor. I slowly guided him to sit on a long bench behind us and then I went and turned all but a few of the lights in the room out, leaving the room dim. "Mac, why don't we get you in a nice hot shower?" I said as I pulled a duffel bag out of the locker and sat it on the bench next to MacCready. "I bet you're even more handsome all cleaned up," I smiled and said shakily. 

He gave a tiny smile back and looked away in embarrassment, then said "only if you get in with me."

I tried to hide how pleased I was to hear him say that. I wasn't trying to push him at all, but I was definitely hoping for this reaction. Mac began to peek through the bag and I didn't stop him. He pulled out a few towels and set them aside. Next a few packs of snack cakes. He looked up at me as he held them. "Where'd you get these!?" He asked me with a big smile on his face. His mood was doing a one eighty and the tears on his face had dried. 

I crossed my arms. "My little secret. Just one of the perks of being muh...my...ah...well." I completely fumbled over my own words like a jackass. 

"Your boyfriend?" he interrupted with an expectant look on his face. His words hung there in the air, heavy but sweet. 

I leaned toward him and took his hand in mine. "Gross, if you say so," I said as I planted a kiss on the back of his hand and grinned uncontrollably. He pulled me down to his level and gave me a long kiss on the lips. I was definitely getting a chubby. I broke free from the kiss and nodded at the bag. "Keep going, there's more," I smiled. He pulled out an unopened bottle of rum and read the label. 

"This is some nice sh-stuff Elliot; should I even bother asking where you got it?" I shook my head a resounding no and took the bottle from him. Tilting it toward him I gave Mac the best sneer I could. 

"We have the matter of a tiebreaker to attend to," I taunted. "The question is do we drink now or after the shower?" I asked him. Mac made an exaggerated face like he was thinking really hard, then swiped the bottle back from me and opened it up. 

"What a stupid question," he said as he went in for a swig. I could feel my eyes get big. This was all going really well. I didn't know what I'd been worried about. I've always been so much better at ice breaking with some drinks in me though.

Taking a seat next to Mac on the bench I motioned for him to hand me the bottle of rum and took a big drink. Damn that was some smooth rum; strong as hell too. Those guards hadn't skimped and I’d repay them big for it. I silently thanked them and took another long dreg, then handed it back to MacCready. I was already starting to feel buzzed as I watched Mac take a few more large gulps. That boy can drink. When he handed it back I swung my head back and took a huge chug, then slammed the bottle down next to me. MacCready motioned for me to hand it back to him, but I didn’t want us to just pass out again like last time. “That’s enough for now,” I half slurred. What the hell was in this stuff? Mac made a pouting face and put his arm around my shoulder. I nuzzled the side of my head against his and he jerked his hand down and grabbed the rum, taking a quick swig before I could react, rum dribbling from the corners of his mouth. 

I snatched the bottle back from him and set it farther away. “You’re asking for trouble you little shit,” I told him. He laughed and rested his hand on my leg. I remembered I was getting hard a little while ago, but now my cock wasn’t doing much and it worried me. I wondered if I should bring it up or just see what happens. I didn’t have time to think it over because Mac was getting up. 

“Well, let’s get this over shall we?” He said. Dude didn’t have to tell me twice. I stood up next to him and began to awkwardly pull my pants off. I had almost zero balance and my leg felt really stiff. MacCready turned and steadied me with a smirk, then slowly began to pull my shirt off. When it got over my face he stopped and I just stood there feeling like a total idiot- arms in the air and totally blind.

I guess I was already too drunk or too stupid to realize his game as he began to lightly kiss my neck and work his way down my chest with more tiny light kisses. It felt amazing and I began to relax, letting the rum take hold and numb my mind. When he got to my pants he hesitated for a brief second and then began to undo my belt and open my fly. I was starting to get excited; I felt like a teenager about to get laid for the first time. He slowly began to pull my pants down, kissing along my hip bones, down my leg. He sat me back down on the bench and finished yanking my pants off, and then there were no more kisses, no noise at all. I sat there with my face covered and my arms limped forward wondering if I should pull the shirt off my head. Just as I was about to do so Mac grabbed my shirt for me, slowly peeling it off my arms and head. When I regained my vision my reward was MacCready standing there before me stark naked and biting his lip. “Fuck MacCready,” I exhaled the words on a long breathe between my gritted teeth. 

I could see in his eyes he was drinking me in, waiting for me to remove my underwear. I began to take them off as he watched intently, wavering a little as he stood. The rum must have been hitting him too. His dick didn’t show it though; it was beginning to get stiff. I tossed my underwear to the ground as I stood up; my cock was a little hard, but not at all where I would have expected for how turned on I was. Mac looked me up and down with hazy eyes, pausing for a long moment on my dick. His eyes got bigger and then he narrowed them. “I’d only seen it from far away,” he half smiled. “I thought it looked big.” 

I moved a little closer to him and tilted my head to the side quizzically. “What do you mean?” I asked him. He got a look on his face like he realized he’s spilled something he shouldn’t have, but now it was too late. 

“Fu…frick Elliot,” he stammered, still curbing his swearing. “Well you’re a guy, you know how it is. I checked you out with my rifle scope a few times while you were changing.” He looked a little embarrassed, but I thought it was fucking hot. I knew it. I knew he’d liked me for a long time. I pictured Mac hiding up in some bushes somewhere peeking at me undressing through his scope. The image was so sexy; I wondered if he touched himself while he watched. I’d never seen his dick, but it seemed to be a fair size- maybe about six and a half inches, not too thick. I’d hope mine wouldn’t be too big for him at almost eight inches, but he looked pleased.

By now my cock was raging hard. “Sneaking peeks huh?” I said in a tauntingly stern tone as I walked toward him, forcing him to back into some lockers. “All you had to do was ask,” I grinned. He glanced down at my erection and looked a little intimidated. I felt my cock throb and grow even harder. Pushing myself up against him I roughly put one hand up on the locker near his head and began to kiss his neck. He let out a long “ohhhhhooo,” then grabbed my cheeks and pulled my lips to his, kissing me hard. I could feel his dick grow stiffer against my leg. I pulled my head back and looked at Mac as I panted. “This is fucking hotter than I could have ever imagined,” I said aloud. The rum was making me honest. He began to pull me back toward him, but I stopped him and grabbed his hand, leading him toward a shower. It had more room than a normal shower and was recessed into the wall. I wished it had a tub, but it would do. 

I pulled Mac inside with me and started the water, letting it get nice and hot. I got under the water and it felt like heaven on Earth. Mac stood back swaying a little and watching me enjoy myself, but I wasn’t having any of that. I pulled him toward me saying “someone’s gotta get your dirty little ass clean.” He made a cringing face as the water washed over him and I pulled him close to me. I wrapped my arms around him and held his face to my neck, shielding it from the water. God was he ever dirty, a torrent of brown water washed down the drain and just kept coming. I reached over and grabbed a bar of soap and lathered my hands. I began to slowly rub my hands all over his body, re-lathering them when I lost all the suds. When I reached his ass I squeezed hard, kneading it with my fingers. 

He let out a little groan. “Maybe this isn’t so bad,” he said in a husky voice. 

“I’ll get you addicted to showers,” I replied.

With a chuckle I kissed his lips as I continued to massage his ass cheeks. They were small, but toned. I loved the feeling of my slippery hands on his skin. He suddenly pushed my back against the wall, lifting his knee up and resting it against my left hip, leaning his erection into my inner thigh. He reached his hands behind me and began to massage my ass too. As he did this I let go of his butt and pushed his knee down off of me. I lathered my hand and quickly rubbed the soap up and down my cock. Mac watched as I did this and looked absolutely turned on. He let out a little yelp as I pulled him up and against me. Being five foot nine and having a few inches on him I had to hunch over him just a little. I pushed our erections against each other, pressing them together between our stomachs. I groaned as I grabbed his hips and began to grind my pelvis against his, my cock throbbing against his, slipping past it and then back up against it again. I wanted to fuck him bad, but I didn’t think either of us was ready for that yet. This alone was amazing anyway and I wondered if I would ever get used to the touch of another person. It was like electricity- lightening running through my body. The sensation of another person against me was enough to drive me insane. The feeling of his bare skin against mine…it was almost like I’d never touched another person before.

I felt like I was going to explode. This was like a sensory overload for me. We continued to grind on one another and I began to groan and bite at MacCready’s neck, his lips, his shoulders. I soaked in every bit of him. I felt like I was going to hyperventilate and the hearing was leaving my ears, the water a muffled cacophony. “I need to fucking come; Mac I need to fucking come,” I moaned loudly. Before he could even react I was doing just that- my dick convulsing and hot semen spurting out all over our stomachs. “Fuuuuuck Mac.” My heart was racing a mile a minute and my head was numb, but I felt like I was on a cloud. He took a step back from me and stood there panting; he looked really pleased, but I wasn’t about to let this be the end.

I took his shoulders and turned him around to face the wall, pushing him against it with my body. He let out a startled moan as I began to slowly stroke his dick from behind. He pushed one of his hands up against the wall and leveraging his ass back against my cock he began to grind on me. I grinned to myself. “I love your ass.” I told him as I began to stroke him even slower, playing with the head of his cock. Mac twitched and let out a groan; he had stopped panting, but I was determined to make him lose his mind, even beg.

MacCready tried to turn around to face me, but I wouldn’t let him. I let go of his dick and began to massage his balls. My leg was hurting, but I ignored it. This was way too hot to stop. The shower was inundated with steam, but I wondered how much more hot water there could be. I decided to let him turn around after all and stopped massaging him. Before he could fully turn around I lowered my mouth to his ear and whispered in a slur, “You’re so fucking hot MacCready.” He finished turning around and had a big goofy grin on his face. I got as close to him as I could while still being able to play with his dick. I began to lightly tease up and down his shaft with my fingers. “I bet you want to come,” I breathed at him. He bit his lip and nodded. “I wonder how long you can last though,” I said as I grasped his dick roughly. He flinched and gave me a deep kiss as I began to slowly stroke him again.

This went on for quite a while. I’d slowly build him up and he’d begin to breathe faster and faster. I was doing my best to learn his queues and when I felt he was getting close to climaxing I would stop. The more times I did this the louder he would groan and pant. This time he began to quietly moan and buck against my hand. I stopped as abruptly as I could and lightly trailed my hand from his cock, up his little happy trail, up his stomach, his chest and neck. I put my thumb on his chin and pulled him in for a kiss; I grabbed his cock with my other hand at the same time and began to furiously stroke him. This was turning me on so much I began to groan into his mouth and bite his lower lip. I couldn’t hold him or I back anymore and he threw every profanity a person could think of out of his mouth as he came, then he fell into my arms, a shuddering mess, his chest heaving.

By now the water was getting cold, so I shut it off as Mac continued to lean on me. “Th…that was amazing,” he said shakily. “And look you’re even clean,” I told him with a laugh. He smiled up at me, completely exposing his poor beat up teeth. He always tried his best to hide them, but now he didn’t seem to care. Seeing rotten teeth as a sort of endearment was kind of weird, but I knew it meant he was really opening up. “We should probably get out of here,” I told him as we left the shower and grabbed our towels.

We sluggishly dried off and as we were starting to get our clothes on a man burst into the locker room yelling “who let you two in here!” It was the chief of security and he was pissed. We grabbed everything we could and ran out, still stark naked with some wadded clothes covering our bits. I looked at Mac’s feet as he ran ahead of me. Well, he had some socks on. I began to laugh maniacally as we ran toward the exit leading out to Diamond City and the guards near the door began to whistle and clap as we ran by. 

We stopped once we got outside, slamming the door behind us. Mac looked like he was going to die of embarrassment and was holding his side. Maybe we shouldn’t have run. “You ok?” I asked him as we stood hunched over and panting. He nodded and began to pull on his pants. I looked through what I had grabbed- no pants, but I had my underwear and the rest of the rum. I pulled the underwear on and looked over at Mac. He was holding up a red and white varsity jacket and looking it over. 

“Guess I grabbed someone’s jacket,” he smirked. “Pretty cool…but way too big for me.” He flipped it so it was facing me and pointed at the letter stitched onto it. “Check it out though Kav, M for MacCready!” He grinned and tossed it to me. “I bet it’d look pretty good on you.” He smiled and scratched the back of his head, looking me over as I put it on. 

“Fits pretty good,” I smiled. 

What a pair we were as we half limped half walked back to our ramshackle home: Mac in just his green pants and socks with no shirt; me in tighty whities and a varsity jacket. We passed by a few people, who rightfully stared, but luckily not many people were out on this side of town. 

When we got to our door Mac stopped me and gently grabbed the sides of my head. I closed my eyes as he pulled me into a kiss, then still holding the sides of my head he moved my face back a little and looked into my eyes. I wrapped my arms around his midriff and as I looked back into his eyes this feeling welled up in my heart. I felt like I was going to choke or cry- maybe both. Then the words just came out. “I love you MacCready.”


	8. Promise

I had to go and ruin the day. I cursed myself under my breath as I sat and watched MacCready sleep. I should have waited a day or two more before I put all that strain on him. Drinking was probably the dumbest idea I could have ever come up with and then running through security. It was way too much for the guy. I played it over and over in my head as I watched the waning light from the window slowly pass over Mac's resting form; the shadows growing longer and longer as the sun set. He looked peaceful, like he was resting well and that helped relieve me a little. I couldn’t lie to myself as I studied his face; today had been amazing and my brain was already plying at new avenues to explore with him. All of this was so new and exciting. I hoped he felt the same way.

My mind went back to what I had said before he passed out. The words just spilled out- telling him I loved him. He looked so surprised as his blue eyes lit up and this huge smile stretched across his face, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he tilted his head to the side. He opened his mouth to speak, but instead of words coming out he crumpled to the ground like a sack of potatoes. I had drug him inside and got him onto the mattress in the main room. It all ran through my head in slow motion as I sat frowning and fidgeting with my wedding ring. 

This simple gold band; I just couldn't shake it, couldn't let Victoria’s ghost go. I knew now as I spun the ring around my finger why Mac had given me that little wooden soldier. He was doing his best to let his wife go while telling me how important I was to him. There I was ever oblivious, a total doofus. I'd known it held significance, but I'd been so wrapped up in everything going on at the time I hadn't put much thought into it. Preston had just asked me to take on the role of the Minute Men's general and I had just hunted down Kellogg and slit his throat after getting all the information I could from him. There was so much on my mind. I realized I still hadn't given the Minutemen my answer, but quickly dismissed the thought. It wasn't something I wanted to worry about right now. My head was splitting, presumably from the rum.

I rubbed the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger and sighed as I pulled myself up to go light some candles. Walking into the safe room to find a lighter I stopped and studied the wooden soldier on the bureau. It still had flecks of my dried blood on it and I picked it up to scrape them off with my fingernail, my motions rising in rapidity as I felt a deep frustration grow within me. After getting the majority of it off, my hand slipped and I dropped it on the floor with a loud cracking noise that echoed through the shack. It rolled out of the room and as I followed its path with a stoop I bumped straight into MacCready's legs as he stood there, still shirtless.

"Damn Elliot!" He whined. 

He picked up the soldier and handed it to me with an overly exaggerated wince on his face. I could almost see the smile he was stifling.

I hadn't even heard him get up I was so lost in thought. It was such a relief to see that he was fine though. I realized I was just standing there holding the soldier and staring at MacCready with my mouth hanging wide open. He closed the gap between us and gently rested his head on my shoulder. He was a little shaky, but not as bad as I was expecting. It seemed he was already getting pretty comfortable with me, which was nice to realize. I still had this nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach like I was thirteen or something.

"What the heck happened to me?" He asked. "I think I blacked out."

I wrapped an arm around him and pulled his forehead to mine with a smirk. "You fainted at the sight of me in my undies if I recall."

MacCready took his head from my shoulder and rubbed his eyes with the top of his fists as he yawned. "Damn I'm pretty hungry Kav." He completely ignored my joke, that fucker.

"Lucky for you I ran out and swiped us some food while you were out," I told him. I knew he had no problem stealing; he always seemed to get a thrill out of it, but I always felt a little guilty. The more I did it though, the less I cared.

"Damn, we really are out of money huh?" He was grinning and biting his lip. "So what did ya get?"

"Just some vegetables, but it's better than nothing eh?" I began to turn so I could go grab the sack of stolen food, but MacCready grabbed my hand to stop me. "I thought you just said you were hungry Mac- what is it?" I said it like I cared if we ate right now, but all I could really think about was his touch. His hands sent electricity through me, always making me feel warm. I realized his hand was cupped over the little soldier still in my hand. He leaned his forehead back against mine as he gently took it from my hand and slipped it into my jeans pocket. I noticed his face was beginning to flush. 

"I never..." He stopped and let his words linger mid-sentence as he looked into my eyes, then down at his feet. He brought his eyes back up to my face and began to slowly trace his fingers along my jaw and down my neck. The feeling sent a shiver through me; I adored it. He spoke again. "I nev...I never got to tell you Elliot." He looked so nervous, furrowing his brow. It was adorable. He slowly brushed his face up next to mine, cheek to cheek, nuzzling his nose next to mine, our beard stubble scraping together. His breathing was slow and steady, almost hypnotic. He finally breathed the rest of his sentence out with almost a sigh. "I love you too Elliot." 

Those words...nothing else in the world mattered as he said them to me. They were like a wave washing over me and the world around us melted away into obscurity. I was gripping my arms around him, almost clawing into his skin like he would disappear otherwise. I buried my face into his neck as he gripped me back. "For the first time in my life I'm happy," he spoke into the side of my head, his lips in my hair.

I squeezed him even tighter and found my fingers touching the wedding ring on my other hand. I tightly shut my eyes as the thought began to form in my mind. Maybe it was time for me to let go too. Victoria had been dead for longer than I may ever know. I began to slip the ring off behind Mac's back. Was this morbid? It felt right and I knew I didn't ever want anyone else. Things had begun to move so fast once we knew each other’s feelings, but in this new world it seemed everything moved fast. This was less than a romantic setting, but I felt like this was the time...the moment. I clutched the band in my fist, fighting the idea of tears.

"MacCready...listen..." My voice wavered badly; God I'm bad at this stuff. I let go of him and took a step back as he moved his hands to my hips. I studied his face; he had a small look of concern and a twinge of guilt passed through me for worrying him. "No no." I said reassuringly as I took his left hand off my hip, holding it between my own. As I raised his hand between us I slipped the ring from my hand into his. A look of realization quickly shot across his face as he felt what I had given him. Getting down on one knee seemed ridiculous and out of the question so I rested my hands across his sides and looked him in the eyes. "Mac, I um...well, I always want to be by your side. I want you to have this."

"Kav I don't know if..."

I cut him off. "My wife is in the past. She would want both of us to be happy. Isn’t that why you gave me the soldier?"

He slowly nodded as he moved the ring around in his hand, between his thumb and fingers. "Are you sure you want me to have this? I really don’t think I could take this from you." He stared at the ring with a slight frown. “Don’t you still love her?”

I moved my hands down to his little hips and squeezed. "We both loved our wives…but they’re gone now.” My heart was racing. “Are you going to make me put it on you? I’m not good at this stuff Mac." 

A tiny smile played across his lips as he studied my eyes. It was as if he was looking for an answer to a silent question. I was sweating at this point. This was so hard, but I knew what I wanted. I'd of given him my ring whether or not he'd given me anything first and I knew it. I wrapped him in a hug, pulling the side of his head against mine as he put his arms back around me.

"Please take it Mac, I mean it," I gently spoke into his ear. “I want to protect you.”

He let out a heavy breath and I could feel him move his hands behind my back, finally putting the ring on. He was trembling. "E...Elliot." He pulled back from me and looked at my face then brought me back into a tight embrace. "The next time this ring comes off...I'll be dead. I'll never leave your side."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff fluff flufffffff


	9. Taking Shelter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I was super sick all last week, but I did art to go with this chapter! You'll find it at the end :)

The day was already coming to an end, the waning sun lighting the sky a crimson red. As I watched MacCready line a raider in his sights I silently wished there had been a better way than this to make some money. I continued to lose myself in thought even as Mac bucked off a loud shot, ending yet another man's life. The raiders were all scum anyways. I began to picture the day before- giving Mac my wedding ring, just lying there together in silence until we fell asleep. It was still hard to believe everything that had happened. I wondered why it felt like the closer we got the more trouble we found ourselves in. I guess you could call it a coincidence, I mean, it all started with us getting both ourselves shot up. It's all just spiraled down from there. We're good at killing and we definitely needed caps, so here we were. It made sense, I just worried about Mac; he needed more rest. No sick days in the apocalypse. I began to let out a snicker at the thought, but adjusted my sunglasses and shook the thought from my head instead. Mac wouldn’t even get that fucking joke.

I watched, but didn't watch as MacCready slowly scanned below us and dropped another aider with a loud crack of his rifle. We were lying on our stomachs on a roof east of Diamond City. I didn't really care to pay close attention to the ruined city; remembering what it used to look like could really mess with my head. MacCready suddenly cut the silence. "Yo come back down to Earth Elliot."

I snapped from my thoughts to Mac twisting on his side to face me. "Fat lot of help you're being," he told me with an annoyed look on his face.

I let out a long sigh and rubbed my forehead with the tips of my fingers. "I'm sorry Mac..."

He set his rifle to his side. "I know being stealthy and sniping isn't your thing, but we're both still healing. We really need be careful Kav." He furrowed his brow and stared at me with a tiny frown on his lips. I caught myself admiring him. How did I stand this before we were together? It killed me.

I rested my chin on my fist and closed my eyes. He was right. The last time we were on a job we got backed into that booth because I didn't want to sneak around. I still hadn't told him I was never in the military. I guessed he'd always assumed I was because that ship of crazy robots had let us aboard, addressing me like I was a soldier. I’ve preferred cracking skulls and using a shotgun because my aim is shit. I'd been real lucky so far and had managed to talk my way out of a lot of shit. I knew I would have to fess up soon though...maybe let him teach me to shoot from a distance. Now wasn't the time though. I opened my eyes back up and put my hand in his. "I'll pay better attention Mac, I'm sorry."

"It just really helps to have a spotter when we have an almost 360 degree view up here." He grabbed his rifle and checked his scope one more time. "We either got them all or whoever's left ain't comin out any time soon." He set his gun back aside and rolled into a sitting position next to my head. "We should turn in for now; the sun will be gone soon. Then we can go down and loot in the morning."

I sat myself up as well. "Yeah yeah I know the drill Mac." I knew why he was being so methodical, but I missed the lighthearted attitude he often had when we were out scavenging before. I briefly leaned my forehead against his. "Let's find a spot for the night then."

I got to my feet and then grabbed Mac's hand to help him up. His grip felt safe and warm in contrast to this breezy roof and I left my hand lingering in his. He shuffled himself closer to me and put his arm around my shoulder accompanied by a goofy fake cough. This man was such an absolute dork, but that was ok. In this moment, facing out over the city, I really was forced to look. It had its own still beauty about it, but it mostly just looked dead. For people like MacCready though....this was all they knew. I didn't know if that was a tragedy or a blessing; probably the latter. I wondered what he would think if he saw a city that wasn’t ruined. The thought made me sad; I wanted more for him.

As if he could read my thoughts Mac gave me a squeeze and let go of me. "Let's get out of here and make camp," he said as he motioned his head toward the fire escape. I nodded and began to pull my jacket back on. It suited me and Mac really seemed tickled that there was an M on it, so I'd kept it. I realized it was nice to see him back in his cap and duster after all those days in that shack as well. It just felt right.

We gathered our things and made our way partially down the fire escape and then across some rickety boards to the adjacent building. I doubted any of the raiders had survived or knew where we had been shooting from, but better to be safe. We began to make our way up the next building's fire escape, checking doors as we went. By the third door I was beginning to get a little annoyed and wished one of us was in enough shape to kick it in. That would probably mangle both of us, so we pressed on. I really didn't want to sleep on the roof so when the next door wouldn't budge I took my baseball bat and smashed the door handle in. I looked back at MacCready and gave him a smirk. "That's how you do it."

Mac’s eyes widened a little and he shook his head at me. "Yeah yeah Kav, let's get inside."

The door had led to a narrow hall filled with debris and littered with what looked like bones in the dim light. I turned my pip boy light on and bathed in a green glow we began to pick our way over to the next door. It was definitely bones; they crunched sickeningly loud beneath our feet no matter how gingerly we stepped. Pops and cracks echoed through the hall as we walked and I began to grit my teeth.

"We could sleep in here," I joked. I've always made jokes when I'm uncomfortable and I supposed it's a fair moment to feel that way. It was a little exciting too. To the people of the present day these buildings may as well have been empty all along, but for me it felt like I was breaking and entering. It was a kind of rush every time we dug through one of these places. My stomach twisting in knots as my mind almost expected to be caught and punished for trespassing. It was getting easier though. I figured the feeling would fade in time.

Mac nudged the small of my back with his elbow. "Real cute Kav. Keep an eye out for stuff we can hock for caps while we're in here."

I let out a little chuckle. If there was one thing I'd gotten good at in this new world it was digging treasures out of the rubble. The fact that I used to live in the world we were poking through probably gave me a good sense for it I guessed. Now was not the time to be lost in thought though. I brought my attention to my surroundings and once I reached the door I placed my ear to it, listening for any signs of life on the other side. I couldn't hear anything at all and turned my head to tell Mac we should be clear to go through.

As my head turned I found my face ramming straight into Maccready's. He'd snuck up right behind me and I hadn't heard a sound. I began to pull my head back and tell him what an asshole he was, but he stopped me short by wrapping his arms behind me and grabbing my ass while he gave me a kiss. So much for serious Mac. My brain wasn't sure how to handle itself. I was pretty on edge sneaking through this bone littered rubble with the sun going down, but those lips. With a little reluctance I kissed him back, but that just spurred him on and he pressed my back to the door with his body, kissing me harder. Oh man, was I going to have to be the responsible one here? I was definitely getting a boner and I hated to cut him off, but we needed to clear this place out for the night. I didn't know what got him going from overly careful to making out with me in some horror movie hallway. It was hard to not give in as I felt his cock growing hard against my leg.

I gently pushed him back. "Hey we gotta go check this place out..." He was breathing heavily and peered into my eyes with a clear look of disappointment. I put my hands on his shoulders and sighed. "You're gonna regret getting me riled up like that later..." When I took my hands off his shoulders I deliberately moved closer to him. As I did so I lowered my arms and slightly brushed the back of my hand against his erection. I felt him shudder and he narrowed his eyes at me.

"You're gonna regret getting ME riled up," he said in a low voice as he brushed past me and reached toward the doorknob behind me. "Too bad this place won't have a shower," he muttered as he passed through the doorway.

Damn. I didn't know what had just gotten into him, but it was interesting. He had to bring up the shower. Visions of MacCready naked and wet flashed through my head as I followed him into the building. I needed to get my head back in the game. There could be more raiders in here, or even super mutants. I scanned the room and realized we were in an office. "I bet there's a couch in here somewhere," I said in almost a whisper. Mac nodded as we continued along toward the other side of the room, checking side offices as we went.

After going through the whole floor we barred off the doors on either end and flopped down on a big red leather couch we had come across in what looked to be a reception area. It was absolutely filled with dust, but it beat the hard floor. I began to empty my pockets of what I'd scavenged while we were looking around. We always did this- pulling all our findings out, spreading them between us and comparing. On my side was a handgun, 6 caps, a pack of gum and a gold watch. Mac had found 2 caps, a pack of smokes, a large rusted lapel pin and a pair of glasses. I gave him a smirk. "I definitely won this one."

"Man you always win," he whined as he scooped our finds into one of our bags. He grabbed the pack of cigarettes and opened them up. "Would you look at that- a full pack," he smiled and stuffed it into his pocket, then tried to contort his face back into a pout.

My smirk turned into a grin. "At least I'm good at something," I told him. I scooted closer to him. "Now what did I win?"

Mac's face turned a little red and as he opened his mouth to speak I interrupted him. "You weren't so shy a little while ago," I teased. "I'll have to collect my winnings tomorrow; we need to get some sleep." The truth was I was feeling a little shy for some reason...he looked tired as hell anyways. I started toward our packs to get the sleeping bags, but stopped. "Why don't we have a smoke first? It's been days." 

MacCready pulled the pack of cigarettes back out of his pocket and looking way cooler than I'd ever admit to him, grabbed two of them with lips and closed the pack. He gave me a crooked smile with the cigs hanging from his mouth and flipped open his lighter, then took a drag from both of them as he lit up. He took one from his mouth and passed it over to me. When I put it between my lips my insides did a flip flop; I could taste him on the cigarette. That damn tease.

As we sat and enjoyed our cigarettes I realized now might be a good time to bring up my lack of gun training. "Hey, uh…Mac? Wanna talk a minute?" 

He slowly blew smoke out of his nose and held his cigarette out between his fingers. "What's on your mind? You can tell me anything Elliot."

I froze and stared at him. My mouth was dry. I felt more stupid than anything. "Well...um, I was hoping you'd forgive me for getting us into trouble...with my fighting."

He raised an eye brow and stared at me as he ashed his cigarette. "What do you mean?"

I bit at my bottom lip and flicked my cigarette to the ground, grinding it with the heel of my shoe. I continued to just stare down at my foot. "Well you know, I uh, I'm not a very good shot Mac." I looked up at his eyes. "I was never in the military. Well, I owned a construction contracting company...it was my dad’s. We did a lot of work for the military." 

MacCready took another drag from his cigarette and began to laugh. "So that's how you got in that vault huh? They thought you were a soldier?" 

I stared at him.

"Elliot do you remember the first few months you hired me? We had gotten a job to clear out super mutants near Goodneighbor and I had set up with my rifle near the building they were in."

I remembered that day. I wondered where he was going with this, but at least he didn't seem mad.

He continued. "I was lining up my first shot, had the green freak in my sights." He took one last drag off his cigarette and flicked it into some nearby rubble.

I nodded.

Mac chuckled and shook his head. "I was about to take my shot, but then my scope suddenly lit up as a Molotov cocktail busted over the mutant's head, setting him on fire." He began to laugh really hard, trying to talk through his chuckles. "Before I could do anything there you were in my sights, running at the mutant with your bat. I was floored."

He was laughing so hard I couldn't help but chuckle along with him a little. "In my defense I beat that super mutant to death, without your help," I boasted.

He finally pulled himself together and wiped the tears from his eyes. "Kav my point is at that moment I knew you weren't a soldier. You weren't a soldier or you were insane...what possesses you to fight up close like that?"

I put my hands over my face. He knew all along. I guess that's good- it made this way easier, but I was still a little embarrassed. "It's just all I know really. The mob used to try and mess with my business...back before the bombs. I'd come at them with a bat sometimes." MacCready's mouth was wide open. "I had a shotgun too, but I never used it. I guess that's how I chose what I fight with now."

"Mobsters Elliot? Are you serious?" Mac's eyes lit up; he looked excited. “That’s pretty brave to fight them with a bat.”

I laughed as I got up and began to pull our sleeping bags out of our packs. "Yeah maybe I'll tell you about it sometime, but for now let's get some rest." We crawled onto the couch and I turned my pip boy off, bathing us in darkness.

The night drug on and I slept fitfully. The building groaned with every gust of wind and the night got much colder than I had expected. MacCready and I were stuffed together on the couch, big spoon and little spoon with the sleeping bags draped over us, but I was still shivering. My allergies were killing me with all this dust too.

At some point I had finally gotten some solid sleep and I awoke to Mac peeing in some debris nearby. "Ugh man you couldn't wait til we were outside or something?"

He turned his head toward me, still peeing, and grinned. "I had to go!"

What a damn doofus. I packed our stuff up while he finished his business. I slung a pack over my shoulder and walked toward Mac to hand him his. "I can't wait to see all the shit- I mean crap you're gonna make me carry today," he laughed as he threw his bag over his shoulder. "Let's get down there before some scavver picks through our spoils before us."

We headed back down the way we came the night before and followed the fire escape the rest of the way to the ground. I was happy to be outside even if it looked like it might rain. Those ruined buildings could be pretty creepy. As we walked the broken street toward the camp we'd decimated the day before I remembered the conversation Mac and I had last night and felt a little nervous and excited. I slowed my pace and startled to talk. "So...what do you suppose my winnings should be for top scavenging last night? That gold watch sure looks nice huh?"

Mac stopped and turned around to face me with a grin. "Oh I don't know Elliot, don't we have work to do?" He tilted his head to the side and crossed his arms, then raised his eyebrows at me.

"Well gee Mac, if you don't want to have these little competitions anymore...I guess I'll be the reigning champion forever." I shrugged at him as I began to start walking again. When I got near him he began to peer side to side, checking our surroundings. I stopped when I was next to him and laughed. "What are you looking for?"

I watched as his eyes stopped on something behind me and he tried to hide a smirk. "I got your prize Kav." I began to turn around but he had already stepped toward me and began to wrap his arms around my waist. His demeanor changed instantly and he pulled me close to him. 

I wrapped my arms around him in return and smiled. "Oho, what do I win then MacCready?" I already liked where this was going. Now that it was day and we weren't in a creepy destroyed building I felt a lot more open to some fun. "I don't like being out in the open like this though." 

He pulled me into a short kiss then put his lips on my neck and spoke. "Don't worry we won't be for long." He turned me around and began to lead me forward, his hands on my shoulders. I saw where we were headed and my breath hitched in my throat for a second.

"A Pulowski shelter!?" I was surprised, but found myself more and more intrigued the closer we got to the round blue cylinder. Once we were in front of it Mac punched the keypad and the door slid open with a rusty whine. Luckily this one's advertisements weren't playing, but a skeleton was sprawled out on the floor. It didn't matter where we went, death followed us. 

Mac pulled the skeleton out with his rifle and kicked the bones to the side. He looked at me and shrugged. “I don’t think he’ll mind.” He pushed himself up against me and ran his hand through my hair as he finished his statement. I closed my eyes as a shiver went through my body. I’ve always loved the feeling of hands through my hair. He moved his face to the base of my neck and ran his nose up it; barely touching my skin, then began to force me to walk backwards into the shelter. He got me all the way inside with my back against the wall and then he stole a glance over his shoulder like he was checking to be sure no one was out there. I noticed the sky was beginning to get that electric green tint it always had when a rad storm was rolling in; the wind was picking up too. MacCready didn’t seem fazed.

Rad storms could be pretty dangerous. “Mac, maybe we should get inside somewhere and ride out the storm?”

“We’re inside a shelter Kav, come on. Don’t you want your prize?” He reached over to the panel and hit the button to shut the door, but it jammed halfway. He slammed it with his fist, but nothing happened. Refusing to give up on this little adventure, he began to dig through his pack and pulled out a bottle of Rad-X, opening it and popping a few in his mouth. Before I could protest he shook a few more capsules out and put them in my hand.

“Fine,” I said skeptically, “but I hope we don’t get sick.” I closed my eyes and swallowed the pills with a cringe. Before I could even open them again Mac had pushed up against me and began to run his hands through my hair again.

My mood quickly began to change. This man could get me going like no other person on this planet. We threw our packs to the floor and he began to pull his hat off, but I stopped him with a deep sideways kiss on his lips. “Leave the hat on,” I said with a calculated smirk.

MacCready smiled back and blushed. “Ohhh-you like the hat huh?” He pulled it down tighter on his head and pressed my back against the wall even harder. I heard myself let out a grunt as he grabbed onto my belt and pushed his groin against me, grinding. He went back to my neck and began to trail kisses up the side of it and then he stopped at my ear. He started to nibble on it and I knew I was done. At the same time he moved his hand over my already growing erection and began to slowly massage it.

My dick quickly swelled to its full size and it hurt like hell as it throbbed, constricted in my jeans. “D…damn Mac,” I said in a barely audible whisper. 

I went to take my sunglasses off, but he stopped me. “Leave them on,” he told me with a little chuckle and sarcastic smirk as he moved his hand back up to my belt and began to undo it. 

I felt my face grow warm. I couldn’t believe how excited he could get me just undoing my belt. He felt me up over my jeans one more time and then unzipped my fly and tugged down, spilling my cock out of my pants. He took his mouth away from my ear just to look; he didn’t even try to hide it, then he brought his mouth to my other ear and slowly ran his tongue up and down the side of it. He brought his tongue to the very tip of my earlobe and quickly gave me a little bite; this elicited a moan from me. He must have already figured out my ears were my weakness.

The winds outside began to pick up even more, but luckily they weren’t blowing in through the door. I didn’t need this moment to get interrupted. Mac began to alternate sucking on my ear and lightly biting at it. Every time he would bite he would grab at my cock. He was driving me mad with his teasing. As if he could read my mind he began to squat down and pull my pants down as he went. I could feel his hands tremble a bit as he moved his face in front of my dick. I didn’t know if he was nervous or just really excited, but either was fine. I’d probably be shaking too if I were using my hands right now.

MacCready slowly moved his hands up my thighs and back around to my butt, gripping it and pulling my cock toward his face. He gently moved his lips across the tip and then down my shaft, like he was exploring me. The outside world instantly melted away at this sensation. I felt his hot breath play across my balls and let out a soft moan when he flicked his tongue across the head of my dick. He gripped my ass tighter when I moaned and let out a little whimpering sound. I loved that noise he made.

I began to regret telling him to leave the hat on- I couldn’t really see what he was doing down there. I reached to take it off him, but he grabbed my hand and looked up at me with a crooked smile on his face.

“Lean your shoulders back against the wall,” he ordered me.

I obliged and as I did so he began to pull my legs up over his shoulders, throwing me off balance. I braced my back against the wall at a better angle as he stood up and when he got all the way to his feet I spread my arms out across the wall behind me to keep my balance. After I got myself situated I looked at him and realized I could see his face now. He was breathing heavily and looking at me through hooded eyes. I couldn’t believe he had me up in the air like this; it was fucking hot. He braced us with his arms behind me and kept his eyes locked with mine as he began to slowly slide my cock into his mouth. I could see him hesitate as he got about midway down my shaft. I didn’t expect him to deep throat me first go anyways.

He got my dick a little further into his mouth and then, very slowly, he began to pull away. When he was almost to the tip he turned his eyes to my dick and began to wildly flick his tongue around. At the very tip of my cock he sucked hard and then let go with a popping noise, making me groan loudly. Just as quickly as he’d taken his mouth away he shoved my dick back into his mouth, this time taking it deeper. He continued to do this, making a rhythm. I silently hoped I’d do this good when I did the same to him; I swear he was making me sweat. I wasn’t going to last long and it was probably for the better. I doubted he could hold me up forever.

I must have been right about him tiring out because he shifted himself a bit and began to pick up his pace. I wasn’t complaining. Soon the world had gone numb and a fire was creeping through my body toward my groin. I was almost hyperventilating.

“Mac I’m gonna cum,” I blurted in a surprisingly gruff voice.

I expected him to drop me down and finish me with his hand, but he picked up his pace even more instead, sucking me off hard. That was the end of the line for me. I bit back a yell, groaning instead. My mind burned and went numb as I unloaded into his mouth, my cock convulsing with pleasure as he slowly removed his mouth. He lowered me down to my wobbly feet and spit out the door.

I leaned myself against his chest and laughed. “I wouldn’t have swallowed that either.”

He wrapped his shaking arms around me. “I’ve tasted worse things.”

I pulled my pants back on and we sat together on the floor of the shelter side by side as we watched the storm roil in the sky. 

“That was a damn good prize Mac.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [](http://s70.photobucket.com/user/ubermagen/media/Fallout/sheltr_zpssfapquwn.jpg.html)   
> 


	10. Back to Darkness

The radiation storm had passed without incident, but the day quickly changed from afterglow and sighs to blood and violence. We should have known we hadn't picked off every raider in the camp. Now here I was in this terrible situation. Poor MacCready; I made a silent wish that he would be safe when this was all over. Do anything to me, but let Mac be safe. I figured I'd regret that wish as the raider gripping his arm around my neck continued to yell at MacCready through the wall.

After the radiation storm passed we had headed over to the raider camp to pick through the place and see what we could use or sell for some caps. I played it over in my head trying to focus on anything but the man holding me here. We should have been more careful; should have scoped the place out much longer. We were both still healing and wanted to get this business over with. Go home and rest. Mac stood around the other side of the wall trying to negotiate with this crazed raider. I couldn't believe this guy had managed to get the drop on me, grab me like this.

"You killed them all!" The raider screamed.

I could tell Mac was trying to sound calm, but I could hear the worry in his voice. "That wasn't us man! You think the two of us could kill all these men?" He lied through his teeth trying to placate the crazed man.

The raider tightened his grip around my throat. "I know it was you!"

Mac kept trying. "It really wasn't us. Look we don't have much, but you can have everything we got on us, even my gun, just let my friend go."

My breath hitched when he offered his gun. I knew it meant everything to him. The raider caught me by surprise again, hurling me to my knees and kicking me. He was definitely on something; he was far too strong. He kicked me again. "I should just kill both of you and then take all your shit!" He spit everywhere as he yelled. I waited for my moment. I would take him out; even with all that spiked armor on him. One of us had to take this guy out.

MacCready was silent for a while. I wondered if he had sneaked away and was going to try and get the jump on this guy. There really wasn't any good angle. We were in a small makeshift room, the only way in around a ramshackle wall with no door. The nutjob kicked me again and I let out a yelp despite myself. As I was cursing myself for being weak MacCready loudly tumbled down from above us. He had squeezed between a gap in the ceiling and one of the makeshift walls. If the situation wasn’t so serious I would have laughed.

He rolled, quickly picked himself up and lunged toward the raider, but the raider was too fast. Mac tumbled past him, off balance. The raider lunged and grabbed me by the hair and pulled me to my feet. Mac stood watching, breathing heavily, his eyes wild, "fucking let him go!" He yelled. His fists were clenched at his side and he looked angrier than I’d ever seen him.

The raider pulled a knife out of his belt and held it to my throat as he wrestled me in front of him like a shield. "What, you his lover? I should bleed him while you watch," he laughed. My mind began to go numb as I tried to hold back panic. Mac looked like he was going to explode. Before I had time to even form another thought the raider brought the knife up to my eye, the tip dangerously close. My mind began to get fuzzier and fuzzier as fear gripped me. Suddenly half the world turned red and blurry. What was happening? Everything began to move in slow motion. MacCready was screaming something and there was a white hot pain spreading across my face. A loud ringing began to screech through my ears as I realized the raider was plunging his knife into my left eye.

I could feel the blood, so much blood, running down my face, my neck; down my chest. It was so hot. He was cutting my eye out and cackling. The world stopped and my mind drifted to earlier today, when we had sat watching the storm. I pictured Mac setting his hat on his knee and smoothing his hair back. I'd absently looked at the bullets in the band of the hat and asked him why he kept them there. 

"One for me...and one for Duncan," he'd said in a low mournful voice. 

I'd instantly regretted the question.

"I guess one’s for you now Elliot," he continued. He'd put his arm around me and squeezed so hard. I hadn’t wanted that moment to end. It flashed through my dulled mind and I felt tears begin to form in the eye that wasn't being mutilated. I was going to die. Just when I thought I could stand to live- I was going to fucking die.

I was so woozy. I heard myself mumble. "Mac....help."

Suddenly, but also so slowly, I felt myself tumble to the ground as Mac lunged forward sweeping both mine and the raider's legs out from under us. I lay there stunned as MacCready grabbed the raider and slammed him on his back next to me. I could barely see what was going on. It looked like he ripped the guy's helmet off. I could barely stay conscious as I heard Mac pummel the man's face. The sickening sound of Mac’s wet fists and the raider begging mingled with the ringing in my ears and became a deafening cacophony.

It finally grew quiet; the only sound Mac's labored breathing. I felt his hands on my shoulders. "Elliot, Elliot are you...are you ok!?" He sounded so far away.

I tried to tell him I was ok, but I didn't even have the strength to talk. No words would take form in my mouth.

"I'm gonna go grab some stimpaks; I left my bag out there," he told me as he smoothed my hair away from my forehead. “You’re going to be fine Elliot.”

As I listened to him quickly head out of the room I began to feel sick. What little vision I had started to turn black, the edges going first, blurring to darkness. One last glimpse. MacCready must be back. Someone above me. I shakily reached up toward the figure and then the darkness was complete.

I couldn't have even been gone a minute. When I returned the room was empty. I saw nothing but the battered and lifeless body of the raider and puddles of Elliot's blood on the floor.

I frantically searched the room. Could he have crawled somewhere? Where was he!? 

I noticed Elliot's sunglasses amidst a pool of blood and I put them inside my duster. I fought back tears as his name escaped my lips with no one but me to hear it. 

"Elliot."


	11. In Constant Sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Apologies for the two week intervals! Life has been busy lately~_

I couldn't come to terms with this; couldn't come to grips with the fact that Elliot had just vanished. For over a day I had sat in this room with only the raider I had beaten to death to keep me company. I didn't know what I was doing, waiting? So many things played out in my head. Did the institute nab him? Did they know what our plans had been? I'd stared at the bloodstains where Elliot had laid for countless hours; he had lost way too much blood to just up and run somewhere on his own. Nothing added up at all and it was freaking me out. Someone had to of taken him. 

I was going to have to make a move, but where....how? I fidgeted in my duster pocket for Elliot's sunglasses and pulled a bullet from my hat. I sat and continued to stare at Elliot's blood, his glasses in one hand and the bullet in the other. I rolled the bullet around in my hand and between my fingers as my mind filled with images I didn't want to see. I pictured Lucy being torn apart as she screamed my name. Elliot...I could see it there in front of me. I kept reliving it. Watching and feeling helpless- useless as that raider cut his eye out. I could feel my heart crushed as I watched all that blood run down his face. I'd not seen Lucy's eyes when she was killed, but Elliot's...I will never forget the look on his face til the day I die.

My stomach churned even though it was empty. I dry heaved and forced back tears as I tried to shake the images from my head. Seeing Lucy ripped apart by ghouls...I had thought nothing could ever hurt me more than that, but here I was more helpless than ever. I'd thought I was lost, gone, a ghost. I think Elliot felt the same way, but we somehow came back front the brink together. We were both doing better God dammit! Self-pity began to wash over me. For the first time in my life I had actually felt happy; Elliot made me happy. The words fell from my mouth, heavy, "I need him." I looked down and realized I'd been gripping the bullet so tightly my hand hurt. As I opened my palm the bullet rolled against the wedding ring he had given me. Bullet and ring blurred together in my vision as hot tears finally began to run down my cheeks. I took a sharp breath and shakily put the bullet back in my hat, his glasses back in my pocket. 

I wouldn't give up on him...and that meant not giving up on myself. The first step would be to get out of this raider camp. The thought of leaving the last place I saw him stung, but I couldn't stay here forever. I knew how weak a person could get trying to live off worry and regret. I gave the room one last glance over my shoulder as I left, then headed back to Diamond City. Fact was I didn't know where else to head.

Its blue visage was hard to miss, but I tried not to look when I passed the shelter we’d been in just a few days ago. The trudge back "home" was lonely but fairly quick. We really hadn't traveled too far out and I was thankful for it; my energy was totally zapped. On the upside my head felt a little clearer after getting out of that room, though all that did was make walking into that empty shack alone hurt even more. I stood in the foyer frozen. It felt completely empty to be here, but there was nowhere else to go. At this point my movements didn’t even feel like my own; everything felt robotic, unreal. As I headed toward the bed the thought to take off my shoes whisped through my brain, but it didn’t spark anything. Our bags and supplies slid off my arms to the floor as I dropped into the bed. It was dark, but my body wouldn’t give in to sleep- I just laid there, eyes open and staring into darkness.

Days passed. I sold the loot we had found, picked at some food here and there, but mostly slept or laid in bed. Sometimes I stared out the window for hours. Even smoking didn’t work right for me. I found myself lighting a cigarette and leaving it hanging from my mouth, never taking a drag. 

Weeks passed. I contacted the Minutemen and asked them to keep an eye out for Elliot- asked them to let me know if they found anything at all. I knew they could see the wild desperation I was feeling, could smell it on me. I was completely lost without him, totally directionless. They said they would see what they could do.

Over a month passed. I sat in Kellog's hovel alone, surrounded by broken furniture. I had snapped the other day, wrecked the place in utter grief. I couldn't find the little soldier I'd given him and I was fixated on it; couldn't let it go. Did he take it with him? Was he grasping it right now, thinking of me? Was he alive...or rotting somewhere with it in his pocket? I couldn’t think like that; he couldn’t be dead. If he was dead I wouldn’t be able to go one anymore. He was the last bit of rope tethering me to the world. 

Two months passed. After a bottle of vodka I got it in my head that I better get cleaned up because Elliot could be back any time now. Deep down I knew I was lying to myself, but I needed the lie like I needed Elliot to come back to me. I think the guards felt bad for me when I stumbled drunk into their headquarters, but not bad enough to let me use a shower. They stripped me down and blasted me clean with a hose, then they stuck me in the holding area- said they didn't want me to hurt myself. I didn’t care what happened to me. Maybe they were right to lock me up.

I awoke to pitch black and a terrible headache. I was so thirsty. As I groped my hand around on the floor next to my cot searching for the cup of water I’d seen earlier my hand passed over what felt like a shoe. Startled, I yanked my hand back and yelped. I couldn’t see anything at all! As I was about to open my mouth to ask who was there they lunged at me- and wrapped their arms around me! I-it couldn’t be. “Elliot!?”

The figure let me go and a few moments later the cell was illuminated by the familiar green of a pip boy screen. There Elliot stood; he was alive! I stumbled off the cot toward him. He began to smile, but stifled it when I got close and brought his hand to cover his now missing eye, the socket scarred shut. I pushed his hand away from his face. “That doesn’t matter Elliot, you’re really alive! What happened? Where did you go?” I was gushing questions at him, but I couldn’t help it.

He looked me in the eyes, almost sorrowfully. “MacCready I…”

There was a long silent pause. The world felt like it had stopped and I watched the pip boy’s green glow play over the bars of the cell, casting long shadows around us. The shadows wavered as Elliot reached his arm behind him, like he was grabbing something. All my instincts knew this was a man reaching for a gun. My brain couldn’t comprehend the idea. Why would Elliot be reaching for a gun?

I took a step toward him and he began to bring his hand out from behind him. In the blink of an eye I watched Elliot’s face tear open and explode toward me. Everything went red as blood and bits of his head sprayed across my face. I stood frozen as I watched Elliot’s body crumple to the ground before me. My whole body went numb as I stared in disbelief. I wanted to wipe the gore from my face, but I couldn’t move, not one bit. His leg was twitching. Oh God. Oh God how could this be happening?

My brain finally registered the person standing in the entryway to the cell. The pip boy was still lighting the area enough to see. It was…it was Elliot? Except his left eye wasn’t scarred shut, instead it looked fine…except his pupil was an erratically flickering red light.

My eyes began to roll back in my head. “Wuh…what…?”

He bent his knees a little and put his hands out like he was trying to calm me. “Mac it’s me, it’s Elliot.”

This isn’t real. Everything began to spin around me and blackness crept into my vision. I began to throw up and then I was gone.


	12. A Fire

I slowly began to sense the world around me. The darkness filling my eyes began to disappear, a fog lifting. I found myself staring up at a familiar ceiling. I was back home it seemed. I guessed I could call it home at this point. No one had kicked me out. There was a loud ringing in my ears and it felt like someone had kicked sand in my eyes. I ground my knuckles into them until I saw floating colors. All the rubbing did was make them itch. My mind was slowly thawing out.

I rolled on my side and winced as pain shot through the back of my skull. I reached back and felt my head; it was badly swollen. The night before rushed back at me as I ran my fingers through my hair and over the lump, testing how hard I'd hit it. The wooziness I was already feeling intensified as images of Elliot's face being blown apart flooded back from my memory. What had I seen? How did I get back here from that cell? I know I passed out, but I must have really been out cold to be carried all the way here and put in bed. At that thought I jerked up and looked around- was whoever brought me here still around?

I scanned around the room, but didn't see anyone, though I couldn't see upstairs or in the safe room. My eyes suddenly came to focus on the stand next to my bed, completely shifting my attention. My hat sat neatly placed facing me, but next to it was what really caught my attention: the wooden soldier. I was stunned. How did it get there? My head was spinning trying to process everything. Was last night a dream, a hallucination? I could still feel the sensation of fleshy chunks spattering my face; it sure felt real. The sickness I felt just thinking about it was real too.

I massaged my temples and stared at this strange little scene. I needed to hold the soldier, know what I was looking at was real. My hand was shaking as I reached out and as I was about to grab it I noticed a scrap of paper peeking out from under my hat. I pulled it out and began to read:

"Mac, I need you to trust me. Burn it all. Make it look like an accident if you can, but it doesn't really matter. Tonight, just burn it and make your way out of Diamond City."

I read the note again, then again, and then one last time- my eyes wide and teary. There was no signature, but it had to be Elliot. The thought crossed my mind that this could all be a set up or me going insane, but what did I really have to lose? I was ready to die if it meant I would find out the truth. I sat up and grabbed my hat from the stand, revealing Elliot's sunglasses. I let a small smile creep across my lips. It had to be him...and I'd personally give him back his glasses and the soldier.

The hours left in the day drug by slowly after I had packed up our belongings. Not that we had a lot of stuff, but I may have gone overboard with what I kept. I was going on the assumption that Elliot was alive though. I had to. I tried not to think about the other options or what I would do if the note wasn't his. This was all in, to hell with the rest.

When the sun had finally disappeared I nervously brought the packs outside and left them near the door. I lit up a cigarette and took a few drags as I eyeballed around the area- didn't see anyone. Good, I wanted to get this done fast. I went back inside and stared down at the mattress I’d just been laying on mere hours ago. I had soaked some rags in oil and left them strewn on it. One more long drag from the cigarette and then I laid it on one of the rags.

I watched the bed slowly begin to burn and felt a twinge in my heart. Elliot and I had shared so much here, but I was being sentimental again. I ran my hand over the little soldier in my pocket and walked back out into the night. It was a stifling hot night and I was already sweating. I pulled a handkerchief up over my mouth and guessed my time in Diamond City was done as I made my way to leave. 

When I got to the entrance of the town I realized I had no idea where I was going. The note had just told me to leave, which I did. I stopped and darted my eyes around the nearby buildings, but I didn't even know what I was looking for. I didn't see anything either way and just picked a direction to start walking- my rifle in hand and finger hovering over the trigger. 

I hated being out here at night...alone. I felt like a free target as I walked the ruined streets in no particular direction. If I could I hugged the walls of buildings for cover as I made my way, but that wasn't always possible. I wondered if I was being watched. If Elliot had left that note, where was he? If there was a time I needed to keep my head clear it was now; I had to stop scrambling my own brain. The heat was killing me. I pulled the handkerchief off and stuffed it in my pocket. I couldn’t breathe with the darn thing on. It was probably a silly thought anyways. 

As I walked closely by the wall of what looked to be a church a noise caught my ears; someone humming a song....a very particular song. I froze in place. It was the song that was playing on the radio in The Third Rail when Elliot hired me: Crazy He Calls Me. Conflicting emotions assaulted me as the humming continued. This reminder made my heart ache and race at the same time. I couldn't move and my indecision pissed me off. I was about to ask who was there when a hand grabbed one of my packs and yanked me into the church. 

I was on my ass and in complete darkness before I had a chance to do anything. I knew I'd packed too much. I could vaguely make out the silhouette of someone standing above me. I yelled at the dark form, "where's Elliot!?" The person reached their hand down as if to help me up, but I refused and asked again, "I said where's Elliot?" 

"Your lover?" They said almost smoothly. It was a man and definitely not Elliot.

I felt my face grow warm and gritted my teeth. "M..my husband you mother f...frick...you know where he is, tell me!" I began to slide the packs off my back and get up. I was ready to fight this person. 

A flashlight suddenly lit up the stranger’s face and I stopped. "Woah, woah there buddy," he said as he put up his hands, throwing the light from the flashlight around the room wildly. He wasn't wearing anything very identifying, just a white undershirt and jeans. He had swept up black hair and was wearing sunglasses. 

I stared at the sunglasses. "Is this a joke?" I asked him. 

"No no, not at all. You're the esteemed MacCready I've heard so much about?"

I tensed up at this stranger speaking my name. Did he know Elliot? He must. "How do you know my name? Who are you?"

The man pushed his glasses up his nose and smirked. "Oh man, I'm Deacon and I'm with the Railroad. I thought everyone knew the illustrious Robert MacCready."

I furrowed my brow and let out a sigh, ignoring his jab at me. "You guys are real huh? I don't see any train tracks nearby."

Deacon laughed. "Oh Elliot said you were sarcastic as hell; he wasn't kidding was he?" 

With those words veritable lightning shot through my body. I quickly got up, dropping the packs. "Elliot's ok!? Where is he!?" My heart was almost exploding it was pounding so hard; I had to see him. 

Deacon didn't answer me; he was just shaking his head and chuckling. I moved closer to him, grasping my rifle at my side. "Please at least tell me he's safe." 

"He's fine. Since you were so polite and didn't even try and take a swing at me...I'll take you to him." I could have sworn he had winked at me under those sunglasses. 

"You pick that sunglasses at night crap up from Elliot?" I asked him as I grabbed the packs and began to follow him deeper into the church. 

"This here's a Deacon original." He chuckled. 

I rolled my eyes and shut my mouth, following him down a stairwell in the very back of the room. Part of me couldn't believe what was happening. Was I really going to see Elliot again? I was completely drenched in sweat by the time we got to the bottom of the stairs. I never wanted anything in life more than to see him again. I'd kill this man if this was all a lie-kill him with my bare hands. 

Almost like he could hear my thoughts he stopped and turned to me. "You'll see him soon." 

I nodded and Deacon turned back around, leading me down a hall dimly lit by flickering strings of light. I could see a door at the end of the hall with a terminal next to it. When we reached it Deacon quickly entered some stuff on the keyboard and the door loudly unlatched. 

My heart thundered even harder as we headed through the door, which locked behind us, then headed along a corridor filled with rank pools of water and skeletons. We hadn't gone far when I saw him up ahead. He was hunched over in a chair smoking a cigarette and nervously tapping his foot. He still had the red varsity jacket on, but I had his sunglasses.

I dropped the packs and ran toward him, brushing past Deacon and muttering a thank you. As I got closer I could see Elliot had heard my footsteps. He snapped his head up and a grin spread across his face. That face...that face I never thought I'd see again. He was alive! I was on him before he could even get up. I wrapped my arms around him, squeezed him as tightly as I could. I felt like I was going to hyperventilate. 

Deacon's voice echoed down the corridor to us. "Hey Elliot I brought your HUSBAND!" 

I froze and could feel myself turn beet red. I awkwardly started spewing words. "Oh....haha...husband...well uh."

Elliot pulled himself out of my grip and stared at me with those beautiful green eyes as he took my hand in his, rubbing my ring with his thumb. "I guess you are my husband huh?" 

I felt my heart flutter against my ribs and took the wooden soldier out of my pocket. "This was on the nightstand," I told him as I put it in his hands. "I'd looked all over for it...I." I cut myself short. Now wasn't the time to talk about the darkness I'd just crawled through while he was missing. There were few times in my life that I felt happier; I needed to enjoy this moment.

I pulled him back into a hug and tears began to fall down my face. "I thought you were dead Kav." 

He squeezed me and rubbed my back, then moved his hand up under my hat and ran his fingers through my hair. God I missed his touch. I began to lose myself in the moment, running my fingers through his hair in return. I thought I was lost, but now I was home.

Just as I had let myself go and feel content Elliot began to twitch strangely. He fell limp in my arms and started convulsing. Deacon had been sitting with his back to us a little ways down the corridor, but now he came running as I did my best to keep Elliot in my arms.

He jerked to a stop next to us. "Lay him down!" I listened and slowly lowered Elliot down to the ground, his head on my lap. I stared down at him as he continued to twitch, panic and shock spreading through my body.

His convulsions began to slow after a little while and Deacon hovered above us quietly watching. He looked like he knew what was going on, but I was too preoccupied to ask him any questions. I needed to make sure Elliot was ok before anything else; needed him to stop twitching and say something to me. I needed him to tell me he was alright 

I studied Elliot's face in the dim light as I stroked his hair and suddenly caught a small red flicker in his left eye. I remembered what I had seen before I passed out last night and stared at his eye....his eye that shouldn't be there. I'd been so caught up with seeing him again the fact that his eye looked almost totally normal had escaped me. He had some small amounts of scarring where he'd been cut, but besides that he looked fine. I watched that raider take his eye. This wasn't right.  
His eye flickered a brighter red this time and in unison with a strong convulsion. I gritted my teeth and looked up at Deacon. "I'm going to need some answers."


	13. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _This is a bonus chapter for my good friend[ Fishplague ](http://fishplague.tumblr.com/) on tumblr! It features an appearance from their sole survivor Dread in a very...interesting dream._
> 
>  
> 
> _Ask and ye shall receive!_

I hadn't been awake for more than a day when I saw two people come through the back entryway to what the people who saved me said was the Railroad's HQ. Through the hazy vision of one eye and then almost blinding pain it was hard to make anything out, so I took their word for it. As far as I could tell I was on a mattress in the corner of a small room. I could hear the hum of some kind of equipment nearby, but I had no clue what it was.

At some point a familiar voice was above me talking to the two people I'd noticed come in. He said something about me having a very high fever. That made sense; I was drenched in sweat. I tried to focus on the people he was talking to, but everything was blurry. I could tell one was a fairly large man and the other looked to be a much smaller woman. 

It must have been obvious I was trying to study them because the large man moved his face down closer to me. He said something about "hey nice hair." I forced my eye into the best focus I could muster and for a brief few moments made out that maybe the man had gray hair too? I think I smiled at him, but I couldn't even tell as the room began to spin and I shut my eye with a wince. 

I could hear the familiar voice. "Come now you two, he needs some rest." I could hear them walk away and then then familiar man's hand on my shoulder. "Get some rest. It will take time for you to heal and see normally again." 

I awoke to the sound of a zipper and shuffling feet. I rolled over to see what the sound was and in a rare moment of clear vision saw the man from earlier pulling an orange brotherhood of steel jumpsuit up his legs, his chest totally bare. I made a small gasping noise and attempted to roll over to face away from him, hoping he hadn't noticed me. 

"Shit! I'm sorry dude! I needed somewhere to change and the doctor said you were probably out and uh...wouldn't be able to see me either way." 

I was definitely blushing and had just landed on my back instead of fully rolling over. My strength was nonexistent right now. From the glimpse I did get of this guy, he was pretty athletic, definitely worked out, and he seemed pretty tall. He was a very good looking man with styled hair, buzzed on the sides. I got why he complimented my hair for sure now- his was definitely gray too. Though he looked nothing like MacCready, seeing him made him come to mind and it helped me feel more at ease. I tried not to dwell on how worried he must be and laid there with my eye closed waiting for the man to finish dressing.

"I'm Thomas by the way, but most people call me Dread," he casually told me as I listened to him pull on his shoes. 

"I'm...Elliot." 

I could barely form those two words, let alone a sentence to really introduce myself. They must have given me some strong stuff. My head was swimming just from the exertion of trying to roll over. 

I heard him walk up to the bed. "Sorry for uh...whatever happened to your eye..." He awkwardly told me. His words sounded distant and strange. "The doctor told me you should heal up real good though." 

I opened my eye and tried to thank him. "Thhhhh," was all I could get to come out. Everything was totally blurry again.

I could feel him lean closer to me and he began to speak in a hushed tone. "I don't know if you'll remember me telling you this...but they told me you're from vault 111. I thought I was the only survivor."

My brows involuntarily twitched into a furrow and I opened my mouth to try and reply, but I couldn't spit out anything that made sense.

"I'll leave you alone man."

I listened to his footsteps fade away and the sound of him flicking the light off as he left the room. The darkness unsettled me as I tried not to think about my eye and the perpetual darkness it could end up with if this surgery didn’t take. I began to sweat again and couldn't hold on to consciousness any longer. The bed began to drop out from under me and dim colored lights danced before me as I slipped away. 

________________________________________

I found myself in a beautiful place. The air, just the sensation of everything was like before the bombs. I looked around me. Everything had a surreal quality to it, almost ethereal. I realized I was up on the hill overlooking my neighborhood standing by the entrance to vault 111. 

I slowly took everything in, my heart aching at the sight of the greenery- the life still pulsing in everything around me. I brought my hand up to my left eye; it was normal again. I began to head down the hill, but a man was on his way up. He looked to be just a shadow until he reached me. It was that man..what had he called himself...Dread.

He lifted his hand toward me to shake. As I took his hand in mine he began to speak. "We have to get to the vault. This will all be gone." 

I knew that. A dialogue within me asked the man where our families were, but I couldn't speak the words. I looked into his eyes- they were sky blue. I nodded and we began to make our way back up the hill, still hand in hand. When we reached the top we just silently stood and gazed out over the landscape. 

I felt almost tiny next to this man along with this scenery before us. He was muscular and maybe half a foot taller than me. He looked down at me and smiled. "I remember all of this too." 

We made our way to the elevator and began the ride down into the vault. For some reason the elevator had no lights, making it pitch black inside. The way down felt like an eternity and I realized the elevator was freezing cold. After a while I felt Dread sidle closer to me and then slide his arm around my shoulders. 

"You're shivering." He said as he pulled me closer to his side. 

I guess I was shivering. His warmth was very inviting and I put my arm around his broad back in return. He wasn't shivering himself, but this felt nice. 

We finally reached the bottom and the elevator doors opened with a groan before us. Lights flickered on as we made our way past the entrance, as if no one else was down here. We checked all the rooms and they were all empty. No one was in the cryo pods either. 

"Are we getting in these?" I asked him. 

"No, there’s a place to sleep." He told me as he led me to a small barracks style room. I found myself studying his hair as we walked through the room. How funny that we both went gray. 

When we reached a table at the back of the room he leaned back on it, slightly sitting. I moved in front of him; now we were eye level. He stared into my eyes and pulled off the leather gloves he was wearing, setting them on the table beside him. He gently tugged on the chest of my shirt and pulled me closer, then as if he'd read my mind a few moments earlier he ran his fingers through my hair. 

"Gray suits you." He told me.

"This vault took my youth." I said in reply. I awkwardly turned around and pretended to study the room. I felt stupid for saying that.

I heard him slide off the table to his feet and then make his way directly behind me. Before I could even let out a gasp he was pushing his body against the back of mine. He put his lips to my ear, "All of your youthfulness?" He asked. He slowly slid his hand up under my shirt, spreading his fingers across my chest. "Or just the hair?" 

I sucked in a long breath of air and just as I was about to exhale Dread slid his other hand down the front of my jeans. I let out a quiet whine as I exhaled, my face catching on fire. He pulled me back up against him and I could feel he had an erection. I let out a quiet moan as he dug his hand deeper into my jeans and rested it on top of my cock. His hand was so warm. I wanted more of him.

"A big one is it?" He hummed into my ear as my erection reached full size. He took his hands from out of my clothing and unbuttoned my jeans, pulling them partway down and releasing my boner. 

He began to stroke me with one hand while I heard him begin to unzip his body suit with the other. He briefly let go of me to pull his suit down past his waist, then grabbed my dick and pulled my back up against him again. I could feel his hard on against the small of my back- he wasn't wearing any underwear. I wanted to see what it looked like and tried to turn around, but he kept me in place. He put his hand across the top of my forehead and forced my head back as he gripped my cock hard. 

I involuntarily ground my butt against him and could feel his dick swirling around on my lower back as he breathed into my ear and ran his nose along my neck, spreading his hot breathe all along my skin. 

He abruptly let go of my dick and forehead, then turned me around to face him, looking me in the eyes. 

"You've never done this, but I know what you want," He told me as he led me to the table he'd been sitting on. 

Everything felt so slow, so deliberate- nothing felt real. 

I was suddenly bent over the table, shirtless now. Dread was hunched over me, stroking me from behind again. He was holding his cock and slowly, lightly tracing it across my ass. I could feel him leaving a slight trail of wetness, the cool air heightening the sensation. 

"You don't know what you're doing, but neither does he." 

I thought it sounded like Dread was speaking, but maybe someone far away.

He let go of his cock and traced his fingers down my cheek and to my lips. He slowly moved his pointer and middle finger across my bottom lip, then slid them into my mouth. I sucked on his fingers as he teased at my dick at a torturously slow pace. After a few moments he pulled his fingers out of my mouth and moved them to my butt. I let out a gasp as he slowly slid his fingers inside me and moved his head near mine. 

"You'll like this Elliot." 

He took his fingers out and spit on them- then quickly slid them back inside again, eliciting another gasp from me. He pulled them out just as fast and before I knew what was going on he slid his cock inside me and let out a loud moan when he bottomed out.

His dick definitely wasn't small, but I took the whole thing. It hurt, but I thought I liked it. He stayed inside me and began to stroke my dick harder. Just as I felt like I couldn't take much more he stopped and began to slide his cock out of me very slowly, inch by inch. When he reached the point where just the tip was inside me he hovered for a moment, then rammed it back inside. I moaned loudly as he began to pound into me as fast as he could.

“You can take this,” he grunted. 

After a minute or so he changed pace and began to slow down a little. Every time he pushed inside me he would do it pronounced and hard, shaking me and the table with it. My cock began to ache for contact and I couldn't even reach myself; my arms were draped out across the table in front of me and my lower half was underneath the tabletop. 

He picked up the pace again and I couldn't take it. "Th...Thomas," I groaned as he shook my whole body violently. "I need..."

He cut me off with a bite to my ear as he grasped my dick and slowly pulled out of me. I listened to him spit on his hand and rub it on his dick as he focused on the head of my cock. I was already on the verge of exploding when he slowly snaked his now wet dick back inside me. As he passed my g spot I pounded my fist on the table and let loose a loud whine. All it took were a few more pumps and I was gone.

I’d never felt anything like this. My vision went to static as I orgasmed and Dread began to pound into me hard while I unloaded all over his hand. Not moments later he began to grunt and pull me into him, lifting half of me off the table. I turned my head panting and watched his face as he screwed his eyes shut and opened his mouth, cumming inside me. He slowly opened his eyes again and groaned as he pulled out of me, cum running down my ass cheeks when it came completely out.

I rolled over, still with my back on the table, and looked up at Dread in a daze. He was staring at me with a little smirk on his face and licking the remnants of my cum off his fingers. He wasn’t wearing a shirt anymore either.

I raised an eyebrow at the scene before me and let out a small chuckle as he helped me up off the table. We stood there, both completely naked, just looking at each other.

The lights dimmed and I found myself lying in a bunk with Dread. Our clothes were on somehow. I could hear strange noises echoing through the halls of the vault. I heard muffled cries, noises like rolling thunder, the very earth around the vault sounded like it was tearing apart. I raised my hand up to my left eye and all I found was a gaping hole. I turned my head to look at Dread; he gazed back at me, but didn’t seem to notice my eye was gone. “That’s the bombs,” he told me in a deadpan tone. The sounds around us came to a deafening cacophony and I began to scream.

Someone was shaking my shoulders. I stopped screaming and opened my eye. A blurry vision of the doctor came into view. I was drenched in sweat and totally confused.

“You were having a nightmare, its ok now son.” 

I could see the shapes of Dread and the woman out through the doorway talking to someone with the Railroad.

“Please don’t give me those meds again doc.”


	14. Awake

The world faded in and out for me. The familiar darkness, blurs of people around me, and the musty smell of brick and bones surrounded me again. What must have been days slipped by, but there was no sense of night and day here so I couldn't be sure. 

Something was different now though. Someone slept next to me in the bed- a familiar warmth radiated from their closeness. My mind was so fuzzy. They would often hover their face over me and look at me with from what I could make out was concern. This man was handsome and when my vision would fade into focus all I wanted was to look at his gorgeous blue eyes. They drew me in with their familiarity, but just as quickly sent me reeling with frustration as I lost focus again. 

This person fed me- chasing anyone else away that tried to do so. They cradled me in their arms and talked to me- mostly about nothing in particular. They said they were so grateful to find me. I knew who they were, but my brain wouldn't release any details. My mouth couldn't form the words to ask and I don't think they realized I wasn't sure who they were. This was torture; a living hell.

More time passed. I slowly regained my strength and with it my voice and memories beyond this room began to trickle back to me. The man taking care of me lie next to me reading a comic book by candlelight. As I watched him silently mouth his reading to himself shapes began to take a more solid form and actually stay in focus for me. I hope this wasn’t some cosmic joke and my vision really was going to stay this time. 

Whether my vision was going to stay or not I drank in the view. I admired the man’s features; the way his eyelids were lowered as he focused on his reading; the little smile that would curl up at the corner of his mouth when he read something he particularly enjoyed...it was so familiar. I slowly rolled to face him better and light as air rested my hand on his chest. I could feel his heartbeat begin to quicken and mine did the same. I could see he had quit reading, but he just made a tiny frown and didn’t turn to me. 

I put a little more pressure on him with my hand. He slowly moved those blue eyes to meet with mine.

His name finally spilled from my mouth:

"MacCready."

He quickly jerked his head toward me and just stared at me for a few moments as if he couldn't believe I'd spoken his name, but then I was suddenly enveloped by his embrace.

“Elliot, I missed your voice.”

I could hear crying, but it sounded distant, almost ghostly. MacCready's embrace began to grow cold. Why was it cold? As he gripped me tighter I began to freeze, shivering. I screwed my eyes shut as hard as I could and gripped him back.

"Muh....MacCready?" 

I suddenly snapped my eyes open and found myself staring at filthy glass a few inches from my face? I had my arms wrapped tightly around myself and I was shuddering violently. The glass was so dirty I couldn’t even see out of it.

My heart began to race as I slowly moved my head to look around. I was in a cryo pod, but how!? I pushed the door open and tumbled to the floor with a yelp. My legs barely wanted to work and I began to slowly crawl in no particular direction.

I quickly ran out of steam and just laid there sprawled on my back panting. I looked up at the pod I'd crawled near and my dead wife stared out into nothingness with blank eyes. My chest felt like it was going to burst. How was this happening? I shakily brought my hand up to my left eye. It felt just fine; I didn’t even feel any scars, but I couldn’t see out of it at all. My right eye’s vision seemed to be perfect.

I began to sweat profusely and darted my eye around the room from object to object. Everything was just as I remembered it. I began to tremble with absolute fear as I looked down at myself. There it was; the number 111 across my chest in electric yellow. I was in the vault. It was just like when I’d woken up before. How could this be real?

MacCready. 

All my other concerns instantly disappeared and my mind focused entirely on him. I could see him in my mind’s eye- smile on his face. My biggest fear had always been that none of it had been real; that I was still asleep in that pod.

He had to be real.

I wept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was a wild ride. I hope you guys enjoyed my first writing piece! Feel free to drop me input, message me on [tumblr ](http://cacomagen.tumblr.com/)to talk/give input/requests! I post art and screens of Elliot and Mac all the time!
> 
> And don't fret~ I plan to start a continuation to this story very very soon. I honestly would have just kept adding chapters to this until the end of time so I needed to break it up.


	15. On my Own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I thought I would announce I am officially starting the next chapters of the story! I’m really trying to take my time and flesh it out even better this go so in the meantime I thought I would write a little interlude/bonus chapter in Macs perspective. I will either continue the story here or start a fresh one and link it!_
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> _Anyways, enjoy! And as always I love comments and feedback!!_

All I could do anymore was sleep. This way I could relive the happy times. It was all I wanted- the waking world was nothing but heartache and confusion, blood and dirt. I stared at the almost empty bottle of whiskey on the table in front of me and leaned back on the filthy couch I’d been using the last few nights. I didn’t care; it was probably cleaner than I was. I felt the world begin to tilt and waited for the only thing I could count on anymore: the black of sleep.

I could feel the strong and terrifying sensation of falling. I must have gotten what I wanted- I was dreaming, but not about what I had in mind. This darkness wasn’t inviting; it made me feel like panicking as I tried to find something to focus on visually. There was nothing. I pictured Elliot in my minds eye. I focused on his smile- the way he laughed.

I began to see colors. They were just points of light in the distance, whipping past me as I continued to fall. Suddenly everything stopped and I felt my hands gripping my rifle, my feet planted on firm ground. I felt a hand reach into my duster from behind me and I instinctively tightened my grip on my gun. As I did this the world around me came into focus with a jarring clarity. I was high above the commonwealth on top of a building.

The hand in my duster became a pair and I could feel a persons body press up against me from behind. A familiar warmth seeped into me and I knew it was Elliot. He spread his hands across my chest and pulled me closer, enveloping me in his arms. My breath caught in my throat when I felt him lean his cheek against mine.

“I’m so sorry we left it like this for you.”

I remembered this. It was when we had gone out, still injured, to make some caps. We’d just gotten on the roof overlooking the raider camp. I wanted so bad to tell him we should leave, but I knew this was just a dream.

I sighed and put my hand on one of his. “It’s not your fault.”

Elliot ran his fingers through my hair, up and under the front of my hat and slowly pulled it off my head. I turned to snatch it back from him, but only to find my lips on his. I could feel his smile and I didn’t dare open my eyes.

I dropped my rifle and leaned into him, burying both of my hands in his hair. “Let’s just stay like this forever.”

I felt him tighten his arms around me and take his lips off mine. One of his arms left me as he plopped my hat back on my head and I finally worked up the courage to look at him. His beautiful green eyes were instantly staring into me and like I knew it would, my heart sank.

He furrowed his brow as if he could sense my sadness, but followed with a smirk. “I love you Mac, you dirty little mercenary.”

As I allowed a chuckle to escape the sky began to darken and Elliot’s left eye began to glow red. In the next moment I was lying in a pool of my own sweat gripping the side of the couch and kicking over the last of the whiskey.

“This isn’t fair.”


	16. Sleeping Beauty

I couldn't even process what they had explained to me. I couldn't take all of it in and deal with the grief. It was too soon to hurt like this again. I'd just found Elliot and now they told me he may never wake up again. It was all I could focus on- the rest of it didn't even matter right now.

I wrestled with my mind; I tried to find any way to convince myself I was better off than before- before I had even known where he was. I looked down at his peaceful face and slowly ran my fingers through his silver hair, watching the threads fall past my fingers. Even if Elliot wasn't awake...at least he was with me. At least I could still share a bed with him, lay his head on my lap and feel him here with me. That alone kept me sane. That tiny glimmer of hope kept me going for now. I had Deacon and The Railroad to thank for even having that.

The Railroad...some of the last people I ever thought I'd be throwing in with. I knew I was going to have to help them out now; I owed them. Whatever jobs they needed done, I'd do them. As long as they watched over Elliot I'd be their errand boy- anything to keep him safe.

I bent over and rested my forehead against his and then gingerly moved his head from my lap and rested it on a pillow. "I'll find a way to fix you Elliot, I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies this is taking me a bit! I wanted to get a few chapters going before I posted and I have thrown my back out TWICE and bought a house...so things are hectic to say the least! LET US BEGIN though :>
> 
> Also: Poor Mac


	17. A Silhouette

Who knows how long I'd slept on that cold floor. I honestly didn't care. I'd cried until nothing was left in me- until I was so dehydrated I couldn't shed another tear. I'd apparently just awoken though, so sleeping again so soon was probably stupid.

When I woke up it was in a complete stupor and I almost forgot where I was. I had stared at the vault suit tightly clinging to my skin for a good while, sickened, but I didn't even have the strength to take it off. Everything seemed so real, but my brain still didn't want to accept my current situation. I was lying in bed with MacCready just a bit ago.

I lie there looking around wondering what I was going to do, how I got here. All my strength was gone and I needed at least some water or I wouldn't last long at all. Did I really care if I died though? My eyes wandered over the other cryo pods, the wires, the pipes in the ceiling. Suddenly I caught a different shape in the corner of my eye. Next to the pod I'd crawled out of...a person...slumped over?

This was what I needed- something to focus on; something to get me moving. It didn't look to be a skeleton, but it was too hard to make out with one eye in this dim light. It was really nothing but a silhouette. I rolled over on my stomach and began to crawl toward the figure. When I finally reached it I found myself looking up at a lifeless robot.

I gripped onto the pod and pulled myself into a sitting position to get a better look, grunting as I eased back onto my bottom. It was indeed slumped forward and in a sitting position. It was black and looked a lot like an assaultron, but less weaponized and armored- also a very early model. The head was a thick vertical cylinder with a spot for one round eye. It looked to be in some kind of power down mode as a horizontal red line flickered in the middle of its eye lens.

I sat and studied the robot for a while and then began to wonder what would happen if I powered the thing on. I scooted closer to it and then began to pull myself up its body as I felt around for a switch. It was dusty, but not as caked as I would have thought. My fingers eventually brushed across a switch on the robots back, just below its head. I hovered my hand over it for a moment and wondered if I was about to kill myself. For all I knew this robot was going to rampage the moment I turned it on. Hell, it could even explode.

"Fuck it."

I bit my bottom lip and flipped the switch up. I hung there, leaning back and gripping it's shoulders. Nothing was happening.

Silence.

A deep feeling of disappointment began to well up in me. I really didn't know why, but I felt devastated. Just as I was about to lower myself back to the floor a loud noise like a computer monitor turning on came from the still form before me. Quiet beeping noises began to fill the room and then I found myself staring into the robots red eye as it flickered to a full red circle.

It's body jerked slightly, sending dust into the air around us. I didn't know if I should just let go or continue to cling onto it for dear life. It continued to make all kinds of mechanical noises, but then everything suddenly stopped. The room was dead silent as I waited for it to do something.  
I watched as the robots eye finally moved and focused on me. I let out a little gasp as it moved its arm toward me. It didn't have any hands to speak of- just two claws.

"Elliot."

Its voice sounded like a deep baritone man's with a choppy synthesizer over it.

More importantly- it knew my name!?


	18. Theodore

The robot had slowly gotten up and leaned forward as it did so- allowing me to ease myself to the floor in a sitting position. It towered over me at least six feet...just staring down at me silently. At least it didn't seem to want to kill me.

"How do you know my name?" I coughed as the dust it had stirred up lazily fell to the ground and in my face.

It seemed to pause and think, going through its memory banks perhaps. It's red eye slowly wavering back and forth on a horizontal axis, never seeming to focusing on anything. It unsettled me.

It finally droned out a response: "I am Theodore. I have been tasked to watch and protect Elliot."

Protect me? I wondered if this robot could give me some answers as to what the hell was going on and why I was in Vault one eleven again.

"Theodore- who put me in...how did I get into that cryo pod?" It quickly hit me I could have been in that pod a long time. "How long was I asleep in there?"

"Approximately 100 years have passed since I began my watch."

I felt like I was going to faint. The room spun around me.

"The year is approximately 2289," it told me as it began to walk past me with loud creaks.

I put my hands over my face and tried to slow my breathing. "That can't be. I couldn't have been asleep 100 years and it still be the last year I remembered."

When I heard no response from Theodore I lifted my face from my palms and looked for him. I watched as he stopped at a storage locker and tried to open it. When it didn't budge he smashed it with a claw and flung it open. The noise jarred me. After he reached inside and fumbled around he came back toward me- a can of purified water in his claw.

"You need to hydrate. You were asleep a very long time."

The robot reached down and handed me the can. I gladly took it from him, but I still needed to know what the hell was going on. I held the can in my shaking hand and looked up pleadingly at the machine. I felt so desperate.

"Theodore please I-"

"Drink."

"But I need to-"

"Hydrate then we will talk."

I gave up and opened the can, then gulped the water down. I almost choked I chugged it so fast, but I instantly felt some energy return to me.

"Please." I choked. "What is going on? Where is MacCready?"

"I do not know of a MacCready. There has only been you and Pearl."

I rubbed my temples and sighed, “who is Pearl?"

"Pearl is a post generation 2 synthetic being."

A generation 2.5 synth? Maybe that detective in Diamond City was wrong about being the only one. "So where is she?"

"She left."

These short answers were killing me. I just stared at the robot.

"She said she did not like it here. She did not like what they were doing to Elliot. She said she was powering me down to protect me."

That was a little better. "Ok what were they doing to me that Pearl didn't like?"

The robot seemed to pause and like before its eye just went back and forth in a line. I wished he would stop doing that.

His eye finally jerked to a stop and focused on me. "I do not know. Someone seems to have taken that information from my data banks- presumably Pearl."

I let out a loud, exasperated sigh as I threw my hands into the air. “I really hope this is all a bad dream.”

Theodore made a strange whirring noise. Was it a laugh? I had to get out of here. The robot clearly couldn’t tell me what was going on or how I got here and vault one eleven was definitely the last place on the planet I wanted to be. I’d crawl my ass all the way out of here if I had to- I was not staying. 

Maybe if I found some food I would have more energy to move. I began to lean forward and brace my palms on the ground, but Theodore interrupted me.

“What are you doing Elliot?”

I bit my lip and furrowed my brow in total frustration. “I’m getting out of this hole and finding some help.”

“But you do not have your full strength yet.”

This robot was stressing me out so bad I began to sweat-badly. I needed him to leave me alone.

“Theodore, I’d really like to get out of this vault suit. Have you seen my clothes?”

“Elliot, those are your clothes.”

I leaned back into a sitting position again. “I was wearing a red jacket and jeans; a t-shirt too…where are they?”

“I do not know Elliot.”

“Fine, whatever. Vault suit it is I guess. I’m out of here.”

I got back on my palms and decided to try and stand again, but barely got halfway up before I began to fall forward. Theodore reached his arm out to his side and caught me- then I just hung there a little ways off the ground, folded over at my midsection like laundry. This was so embarrassing.


	19. Going Up

I'd caved in. I wanted out of the vault very badly, but after the robot caught me during my fall I knew I had to concede. The Commonwealth is a harsh place and crawling or even limping around with no supplies or weapons would get me killed. I knew that, but my stubbornness had taken hold. At least I could admit it.

Luckily, Theodore had told me, my muscles weren't atrophied- I just wasn't used to using my legs. The fact that my legs needed some breaking in was proof enough that I'd been in that pod at least a while. I still couldn't make sense of it.

I'd questioned the robot further, but got little more information from it. He had told me he had never seen anyone else alive in the pods. He had never seen my child either- dead or alive. I guessed he came after Kellogg had killed everyone. Made sense.

It only took a few days before I could walk normally. I hated to leave the vault in this jumpsuit, but all I could find were some Vault Tec lab coats, which was no better. I packed what little food and water I could scrounge from some storage boxes and made my way to the elevator leading above ground.

I was about to hit the button to call the elevator when something behind the control panel and caked in dust caught my eye…a pip boy? I couldn't do anything more than stare at it and rub at my left wrist where I had worn mine for so long. How could this thing be here? I swore mine was the only one laying around the console my first time through here. I continued to stare at it. What if it WAS mine? Maybe whoever brought me here dropped it back there? Only one way to find out.

I reached behind the console and grabbed the pip boy, dusting it off with my sleeve. As I stood waiting for it to start up Theodore plodded up the hall and stopped next to the elevator.

"Are we ready?"

I glared at him and began to fit the pip boy to my arm. "I thought I told you to stay here."

"I do not like it here Elliot."

I frowned at him and looked down at the pip boy as it lit up. It displayed my name, but instead of the usual green glow it was hot pink. This was so weird. Whatever the color I was glad to have it back. I scrolled to where I could find the date and instantly felt like lightning had hit me. It displayed the date as May 12th 2389- not much later than the time I last remembered. Maybe the robot was right about the year after all. I finally felt some hope that I'd find MacCready. There was no way I'd been asleep for long. He may have been right about the year, but beyond that he must have been malfunctioning or something.

For the first time since I woke up I felt a smile spread across my face. It grew to a grin as I hit the elevator button and walked over to the robot.

"Elliot I am programmed to watch you. Please let..."

"I'll need any help I can get- say no more Ted." I interrupted. "Besides, you've grown on me a little I guess."

"I am pleased Elliot. If I could smile I would." The robot told me as it stepped into the lift.

I chuckled and found a place next to him as I hit the elevator button. The lights cut out for a moment as the elevator shifted and groaned. An uneasy feeling crept up my spine, but the lights flickered back on in no time and the elevator creaked its way to the surface.

As we made our way out into open air Theodore made a strange buzzing noise.

"Woah, what was that?"

"I do not know Elliot. Maybe I am excited. I have never been outside."

We stood side by side gazing above us at the perfectly clear sky. It was filled with dazzling stars and as I watched the robot stare in what must have been wonder I was glad I'd brought him with.

He turned to me and his eye flickered as he spoke. "We are free."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate chapter title: ELLIOT HAS A HOT PINK PIP BOY


	20. Choppy Waters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bonus chapter in Mac's perspective that I posted to my Tumblr recently. I felt it for best here so enjoy!

Should I have really come here? I'd been to some amazingly rough places, but Far Harbor was on another level. I had been terrified to lug Elliot all the way to an island based on a little bit of info Deacon had gotten from Nick Valentine. All he'd said was there were people here that may be able to help Elliot and that they would find me once I reached the island.

All I could do was pace back and forth in this tiny, wet room and glance at Elliot where I'd laid him on the bed. The boat ride amidst choppy waves had me sick as a dog and beyond worried about all the jostling Elliot had received. He probably would have loved the boat ride if he were awake. He'd always liked water and mocked how much I disliked it.

I stopped my pacing and steadied myself on a desk. I was still a little seasick and I wanted it to pass before I went out into town looking for help. These people looked like that type that would eat a guy alive at the slightest show of being a weak mainlander. 

After a minute or so I felt more steady and decided to light up a cigarette to calm my nerves. I sat on the bed near Elliot slowly taking drags. I stuck the cig between my lips, took my hat off and smoothed my hair back. One more long drag and I crushed the cigarette beneath my heel and turned to Elliot; I gave him a kiss on the forehead and rested my hat on his head. He was always trying to snatch it from me. He'd laugh if he knew I was willingly giving it over to him. 

So many things were worrying me and they all just took turns running through my mind, grinding on me. I rested my face in my palms and tried to quiet my brain, but it just kept going. What if something happened to me? What would happen to Elliot? Would someone really come find me and would they be able to help us? What if I couldn't wake him up?

I suddenly felt so tired. Maybe I could take a short nap before I headed out. I could lay here next to him a while. What if it were the last time? I pulled my hat down past his eyes and curled up next to him, soaking in his warmth. 

"I love you Elliot."


	21. That Buzzing

I had wondered if I should just head straight to my old home in Sanctuary. I'd debated very hard on it. On one hand I'd probably have a totally concrete answer as to what year it was when I got there. If everyone was there, then not much time has passed. On the other hand what if I got there and it was deserted...or Sturges's great grandchildren were there?

It was a stupid debate; I had to know for sure- even if the answer terrified me. I had to know if searching for MacCready would just lead to his grave or a rumor of his death many years past. I'd headed straight for Sanctuary and found Sturges pretty quickly. He wasn't an old man- he was his usual self and I about broke down crying as I made my way to him. He was hunched over working on something and no one else was around.

I put my hand on his shoulder to get his attention and when he turned and saw me he looked like he had seen a ghost as he became completely pale and his eyes grew wide. He dropped his wrench and put his hands in my shoulders.

"E-Elliot!? We'd caught wind you were dead or in some kind of coma!"

Theodore came up behind us and confused the situation even more. "Elliot was asleep in his cryo stasis pod for many years, but he was always alive."

I gave the robot a death glare and explained to Sturges how I'd awoken in the vault and he seemed just as baffled as I was. He had no idea where MacCready was and all he knew was the rumor that something very bad had happened to me. I had told him the last place I remembered being was the Railroad HQ and we both agreed that was probably the best place for me to go next. Theodore was quite intrigued by the idea of a secret organization that helped robots and was all for it.

It was already getting late so I figured it would be best if I stayed the night and then got my supplies ready in the morning. I still had quite a few things stored here in Sanctuary and a robot to help carry it was definitely going to come in handy. I just hoped I had some decent spare clothes tucked away.

I slept fitfully and even though I was reassured that I had a chance to find MacCready, I dreamt of finding his crumbling grave atop a lonely hill. I lay upon the dirt before it and sobbed. For so long I lay there my skin and flesh withered and flaked away, carried off with the wind. As my bones still laid in mourning tiny flowering vines began to grow up through my rib cage toward the sky. Before I knew it my bones were dust and the rain joined what was left of me below with him- in the dark. All I knew was silence and my spirit dreamed of the sky.

The darkness must have been the most unsettling part of the dream because I woke up in a heavy sweat, gasping for air. It was morning and Theodore was just sitting in my doorway waiting for me to wake up like a total weirdo.

"Elliot, did you have a bad dream?" He asked as he clunked a few paces into the room.

I groaned and put an arm over my eyes. "What do you think Ted?"

"Well-" he began to reply.

I interrupted him. "That was a rhetorical question pal."

He seemed to get the hint and with a whirring noise he turned and made his way out of my room, but not before bumping into a lamp and smashing it.

"Oh my God Ted."

He didn't say a word and disappeared beyond the doorway. That bastard....oh well.

I spread my arms and legs out across the bed and sighed. I still had images from the dream fading in my head and I wished I'd gotten a little more restful night. I knew better than to take sleeping in a bed for granted, but remembering my need to pack supplies I remembered having a very nice sleeping bag stowed away here. That was some kind of condolence for having to leave the comfort of a bed so quickly.

I forced myself out of bed and began to rummage through the many boxes and foot lockers I had strewn about the room.

I made a mental list as I set things aside for the trip:

Road goggles I'd stolen from a raider camp  
A green bomber jacket and jeans  
Some spiked knee armor  
A switchblade  
A spiked baseball bat  
A small pistol and ammo  
The sleeping bag

That seemed like a fair start. I'd have Theodore carry most of the food and water; the rest would be easy enough for me to handle. I got dressed and situated with a backpack and then I headed to look for the robot.

I found Theodore out on a patio talking to Mama Murphey, which could only be trouble. I wondered if it was too late to just go back to my room and wait. I really didn't want to get into a long winded conversation with that woman and then have to chat with every settler in the place before I could get going.

As I stood there debating what to do Sturges came up from behind me with a shit eating grin on his face.

He handed me a glass of water and patted my shoulder. "Don't worry- just hang back here. I'll get your robot for you pal."

I gave him a grateful look and nodded as I leaned back against a tree and began to sip the water. It wasn't long before I watched Sturges lead Ted to where all the food was stored, so I made my way over so I could get him packed up.

When I got close I could hear that he was making the same buzzing noise as last night, but maybe louder.

"Ted, loud noises like that get people killed out in the wastes."

We began to pack food and water into a large sack so we could tie it on the robots back. Thankfully the annoying buzzing sputtered out pretty quickly. Ted still had no idea what was causing it. I really hoped it didn't happen when we were trying to sneak somewhere along the road.

It wasn't long before we had the bag strapped on Ted's back and said our goodbyes to Sturges. We finally began the walk toward the bridge leading out of Sanctuary. Sturges's bear hug almost left me limping, but I departed with a smile and a little lighter feeling in my heart.

As we approached the bridge Theodore began to excitedly talk about meeting the people of The Railroad and at the same time the buzzing noise had come back- quietly at first, but getting louder the farther we walked.

"Maybe the people of The Railroad can help me figure out why I keep buzzing." He said as we stopped at the bridge.

"I don't know Ted, but it's damn annoying. Stay here while cross the bridge first and make sure it's going to hold you."

Before I crossed the bridge I pulled a white captain's hat out of my bag. I'd grabbed it while packing and thought it might fit Ted. I walked up to him and held it up so he could see it, then stuck it on his head.

He put his claw in my shoulder. "Elliot, thank you. No one has ever given me a present."

I pulled the hat brim down tighter on his head with a smile and then I made my way across the bridge. It seemed sturdy enough for him. I motioned for him to follow and I sat myself down on a tree stump while I waited for him. He seemed to take his time- I guess I'd be worried about falling into a river if I were made of metal too.

About halfway across the bridge and the buzzing noise he was making turned into a shrill screech. I grimaced and put my hands over my ears as I hunched forward in pain.

Not even seconds later an explosion rocked the ground and I yelped as the shockwave blew me over in a backwards somersault. I laid on the ground in complete shock patting myself all over to make sure I wasn't hurt. Just as I had decided I was still intact, one of Ted's arms fell from the sky and violently bounced next to my head.

“Holy shit.”


	22. By an oak tree

I was terrified. After Ted had exploded I'd assumed it was an attack and crawled behind a downed tree. I stayed there and assessed the area around me while I waited for people from Sanctuary to come see what the noise was and back me up if needed.

It didn't take long for me to realize no one was attacking me and that Ted must have exploded on his own. I pulled myself up from behind the tree and took a seat on it. I tried to steady my nerves and took some deep breaths. 

I could vaguely see movement on the other side of the bridge through the heavy smoke that billowed from poor Ted's remains. Bits of the bridge were on fire and just as I'd noticed this the whole thing collapsed into the river with a huge racket. I cringed and the movement must have jostled some blood running down my forehead as it dripped off my nose onto my lips. 

I instinctively licked my lips and cringed again. I hated the taste of blood. The wreckage falling into the river must have cleared the smoke a fair amount because I could make out Sturges and a few settlers across the way. 

Sturges yelled to me with his hands around his mouth, "what the hell happened Elliot!?"

"I don't know! The robot just exploded!" I yelled back.

It hit me that I was about to be on my own and my stomach churned a little. I knew I was mostly capable, but the thought was still unsettling; I definitely preferred a traveling companion.

"You're ok though!?" Sturges called.

I got up and grabbed my backpack as I looked around the ground nearby. In the weeds near the road a glint caught my eye.

I crouched down and picked up the robot's head, the hat I'd just given him still tightly attached to him. 

"I'm alright Sturges, but Ted had most of my food on him!" 

I held Theodore's head in my hands and genuinely felt bad for him. The poor guy had just seen the outside for the first time. I wondered why the hell he'd blown up. Is that what those noises he was making were?

I took the captain's hat off his head and pulled it down atop my own. 

"Well, are you going to find a way back and get new supplies!?" Sturges yelled almost impatiently. 

I didn't have it in me. "I'll make do with what I have!" I called back. "Don't worry about me!"

"Suit yourself Elliot!" 

I watched as Sturges and the others disappeared into Sanctuary, still holding Theodore's head between my hands. Part of me wished I had the time to at least bury this part of him, but I needed to push on.

I stared into his now blank eye and then I leaned his head next to a big oak near the road. 

"One day soon I'll come back here with MacCready, Ted."

I wiped then blood from my forehead and started my long, lonely walk across the Commonwealth.


	23. Oasis

My first night alone in the Commonwealth came upon me very quickly. I'd wanted to cover as much ground as I could before nightfall and in my rush I let the sun get much lower than I should have. I had come across an abandoned building just as the sun completely disappeared beyond the horizon.

With my bat in hand I checked the first few doors I could find to see if they were open, but they were sealed tight. I decided I didn't want to play games and with a big heave of my leg I tried to kick in the next door I came across. Instead of bashing in the door made a loud racket and I fell to the ground holding my leg in pain.

I laid there wincing and muttering curses under my breath for a moment, but reminded myself I was on my own and needed to get my shit together. I pulled myself back up and gave the door another good bash with my foot. This time it gave in with a loud crack as it fell to the ground.

I found myself smirking a little as I made my way inside; it's the little triumphs. There were almost no windows on the first floor, so the area was pitch black. I flicked on my pip boy’s flashlight and the area instantly became bathed in a pink hue. I chuckled to myself and shook my head as I made my way around to find some stairs leading up. I always preferred to be at least a floor above ground in an unfamiliar place.

I didn't see anything that would make me think the building was occupied so when I rounded a corner into a bathroom and nearly fell over a raider pulling up his pants I almost screamed. Instead I made a weird startled yelping noise as I reared my bat over my head to swing.

"Woah woah mate!" The raider yelled as he dropped his pants and put his arms in front of his face.

For a split second my brain told me to show mercy, but I hadn't forgotten what a raider did to my eye. A white hot rage passed over me like a wave in response to the memory of having my eye cut out.

"Fuck you!" I spat as I kicked his shins in the same manner I'd done with the door minutes prior.

He cried out in pain as he collapsed to his hands and knees.

Part of me snapped back to reality enough to ask at least one question. "Are there more of you scumfucks around here?"

The raider began to get up, but I rested the bottom of my shoe on the top of his head and pushed him back down.

He answered in an almost whiney voice. "Maybe, maybe not."

I swung my bat into his head and the sound of his skull cracking echoed off the walls. The nails in the bat stuck soundly into his head and I had to push one of my feet into his body to yank them back out.

Wrong answer. I should have told him wrong answer. MacCready would have said it. I let out a long breath as I rifled through the guys pockets. Nothing but some matches. I stood above the body and stared down at my hands. They weren't even shaking. I'd become a murderer and I didn't even care. I would have probably been crying if this were the first time I'd emerged from the vault. Now I was glad to take out any raider I found. I guess there were worse things I could do.

It hadn't been long before I found the stairs leading to the next floor. It also didn't take much time for me to realize no one else was here. I guessed the raider was a straggler from a group or had gone rogue. It didn't matter.

I decided to make my way back to an area that had caught my eye. It was what must have been a break area before the bombs fell and it overlooked an open air courtyard below. The door leading to it at ground level had been blocked my debris so it came as a total surprise. It really was a small haven with a large living tree- it's roots encroaching into the vine covered brick wall behind it. All that was missing was a babbling brook.

I stood almost dazed as I took in everything. The grass, the tree...I gasped when I saw the first firefly light up. I had planned to build a fire and eat dinner, but I was in awe and the thought floated away from me.

I swung my legs off the edge of the overlook and took a seat despite all the broken glass strewn about. A slight breeze crept across my face and for the first time since I woke up again I didn't feel rushed. I pictured Mac sitting next to me with a huge smile on his face. Had he ever seen such a thing?

I sat and quietly watched the fireflies flicker below until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore.


	24. Hunted

I held the vision of the courtyard and fireflies close on my journey. I put myself and MacCready within it's walls and locked us tight. I needed it. I thanked whatever God was still alive for having allowed me to see it because that nameless office building had become my mind's haven.

What should have been a few days journey had become over a week. The city and its surrounding areas had become overrun by droves of the mannequin like gen 2 synths. It took forever to skirt my way around them as they popped up. When I finally found my way to the Old North Church it was heavily guarded by the same type of synths. I hoped they hadn't gotten into the Railroad H.Q. and wondered if they were looking for me as well. Part of me wanted to hide. To just picture that tree.

Not knowing whether the people below were safe weighed too heavily on me and I decided to climb a building to scout out the area better. I owed it to those people to help if I could. Just as I got into a good position above, the ragged doors to the church below dramatically flung open from inside as a man violently tumbled through them and down the steps. 

I gritted my teeth and waited to get a better view of the guy. The fact that he was bald already worried me. Two more people came from inside the church. They weren't the old type synths; they were wearing the courser uniform. This was serious. As they made their way toward the guy on the ground all the synths guarding the area turned in unison and filed inside the church. 

The man got partway up and spit to hide side as the coursers stopped a few feet behind him and the last synths disappeared from the area. He started to stand up.

Please don't be Deacon.

The man's face came into full view and my heart stopped. It was him. They'd taken the Railroad. 

One of the coursers circled around to face Deacon. He had no way out of this. I had to do something. As I fumbled around with my backpack they began to beat him. 

God dammit.

As the beating picked up pace I fished out what I was looking for. Without any time to waste I yelled out the first thing that came to mind.

"Fuck all you stupid ass robots!" 

They stopped hammering on poor Deacon and snapped their heads straight in my direction. I hoped this wasn't a total shit idea as they dropped Deacon to the ground and began to run toward the building I was on. 

"Fuckfuckfuck!" I threw a small landmine down right in front of the door out to the roof and hid behind some debris. My heart raced as I waited to hear an explosion. It didn't take long before I heard the metal door creak open loudly, but no explosion followed. 

I cursed under my breath and popped out from hiding. I could see one courser and he was stooped over the mine as if he were about to disarm it. I scowled and pulled a frag grenade from my bag, pulled the pin and then chucked it straight at the mine. 

The courser began to dive back into the stairwell, but it wasn't soon enough. The grenade fell short, but bounced close enough to the mine to set it off. An explosion rocked the roof and sent bits of concrete everywhere. 

I began to turn to run and jump the gap to the next nearest building, but as I began to do so the other courser came crawling onto the roof from below and right in my path. That slippery bastard. 

He yelled after me as I began to run in the opposite direction. "Our orders are not to hurt you Elliot! Stop!"

I kept running without a word and jumped the gap to a building on the other side. I nearly missed it was so far and landed on my knees. I wavered as I got to my feet- that shit hurt. I glanced behind me and saw that the courser was already making toward the stairwell I'd just blown up. He disappeared inside the billowing black smoke and I knew I better move my ass.

I found a fire escape that lead off the roof and rushed down it. I clenched my fists as I got to the bottom and could really see how worked over Deacon was. He was sitting where the coursers had left him. It was probably as idiot thing to stop, but I had to check on him. I pulled a stimpack from my pocket as I ran to him.

His face was dripping blood and he was grinning.

"You managed to take out another courser. I knew you were a badass," he coughed. "You guys have some kinda timing pal."

I tossed him the stimpack and ignored his comment. It would be seconds before the courser was on us. 

"Is everyone ok!? Where's MacCready!?" 

I winced as he put the stimpack right into his neck. "They didn't find the entrance Elliot. I came out before they could. They've all been looking for you. I don't even know how worried they were about our H.Q."

I felt relieved. "So Mac is down there with everyone else?" 

As Deacon made a weird face and opened his mouth to answer, the courser came pacing toward us. He was covered in soot and looked absolutely pissed. The stimpack must have been enough to at least help Deacon get up and move because he began to scramble to his feet. 

"Get out of here Elliot!"

We began to run in opposite directions and the courser veered my way. As the courser began to chase me synths started to spill from the church in Deacon's direction.

"Did you leave Mac at Far Harbor!?" Deacon called behind me. "Why isn't he with you!?"

With that I rounded a corner and was out of earshot. I was absolutely confused and had a lot of jogging ahead of me if I was going to lose this courser.


	25. Running Man

I'd run for what felt like an eternity. All the time the courser had chased me I only stole a few glances back at him. He was very pale and had short red hair. He also seemed tall, but that could have just been the fear talking.

I'd managed to lose him by running into a large group of raiders camped at an old construction site. They all drew their knives and guns as I ran in yelling, "it's the institute!" They began to circle around me, but a few of them spotted the courser as he jumped a barricade and twisted a raider’s neck. He glared at me with total contempt as the raiders began to come at him. They were nothing to him and he kept his eyes locked on me. It was totally unsettling.

I started to run again, but a raider with his face painted completely blue grabbed my arm.

"Where the fuck you think yer goin?" He asked me.

I roughly pulled my arm away from him and smirked at the idiot.

"You better run."

The raider began to pull his rifle up to aim at me. "I don't take orders from no one, scavver."

As his gun was about to become level with my face the courser blasted a hole through the raider's chest from behind, spraying blood all over me. I spit the blood off my lips.

"Elliot my orders are to take you back to the Institute- stop running."

The courser was definitely tall and had piercing blue eyes peeking out from his blood smeared face. Those eyes reminded me of MacCready's. My heart ached for a moment, but my moment of longing was quickly cut short as raiders piled on top of him. I didn't waste any time and booked it the hell out of there. I hoped they'd all kill each other and I’d never see him again.

I soon found myself hiding in a sewer and I played out everything that had happened in my mind over and over. From Deacon being confused as to why Mac wasn't with me to why the courser wanted to take me back unscathed so badly. Whatever they had been doing to me in the vault couldn't have been that important, could it? Deacon had mentioned Far Harbor and I wondered if that was what people called Bar Harbor these days. It was the only thing I had to go on and risking heading back to try and find Deacon was just a bad idea. I hoped he and the rest of the Railroad were ok, but MacCready was my main concern.

I hadn't gone too deep into the sewers, but I decided I better go at least a little farther. If the Institute got ahold of me I'd probably never see Mac again. Not long after I switched on my flashlight and began my walk I found a small space I could crawl through if I took my backpack off. Once I got inside the room it led to I was pretty happy. It looked like a great place to hide and it even had a ratty old mattress and lantern. There was a door leading out on the far end, but it was barred by fallen debris. It was perfect.

After I got the lantern going I flopped down onto the nasty mattress and groaned. It smelled rank, but it felt amazing to lay down on something soft. My legs were screaming for sweet death. I wondered if I could even walk again if I got back up right now.

As I lay there it hit me that I still had blood all over my face so I sat up and poured a little water on my hands and tried to rub it off. As I stared down at my bloody hands I noticed small drops of water were landing in my palms and leaving round spots in the bright red. I glanced up to see what was leaking on me, but there was nothing coming from the ceiling.

For a moment I felt baffled, but then hit me that there were tears streaming down my face. Everything that was happening...all the stress...I'd become so numb. My body was finally letting it all out and I hadn't even realized. I'd been trying so hard to just do what had to be done and not think too hard about it.

I put my face in my shaking palms and let out a long sigh. I REALLY needed a cigarette, but my body was through with me. I pulled my sleeping bag from out of my pack and laid back down as I draped it across my shoulders.

I told myself I'd lay low a day or so to rest up and then I would head north.


	26. The color yellow

Of all the damn times for one of my teeth to go bad, why when I was hiding in a sewer? I felt around in the back of my mouth to try and see which tooth hurt so bad. It felt like a lower right one, toward the back, but I was so delirious it was hard to judge.

I lay there for close to a full day sweating it out. I had to have a bad infection. Something similar had happened to me years back and if it was the same thing I needed antibiotics. I was trying to wait it out and not waste one of my last stimpaks, but if I wasn't better by tomorrow I would have to use one. Traveling would be impossible in this state.

I slept fitfully. Everything hurt, even the sleeping bag touching my skin. I tried to distract myself by playing games on my pip boy, but the sound effects cut through me like a knife. A freezing draft wafted through the space I'd crawled in from and forced me to curl into a ball under the sleeping bag. I shivered and felt sorry for myself.

I dozed again and found myself flying over a brilliantly lit city, as fast as a jet. The lights whipped by beneath me in a blur and stars danced past my head. I picked up speed- faster and faster. Just as I thought I couldn't take it anymore I awoke, covered in freezing sweat. I coughed and curled myself into a tighter ball, shaking. I wished MacCready was here, but then we wouldn't be down in a sewer anyways. Well...probably not.

I knew I had to use a stimpak; I definitely needed antibiotics and sooner than later. I felt almost too weak to get into my backpack, but I willed myself over to it and dug one out. I sat staring at it. Did I want to stick it in my mouth or what? I figured the closer to the infection the better, but the prospect of it made me cringe. I really wished I had some liquor to help with the whole process, but I knew what I had to do.

I held my mouth open wide and pushed the needle deep into the back of my gums. It took everything in me to keep my hand steady as I pushed the plunger down and released the medicine. Tears streamed down my face in reaction to the horrible stinging and burning. When all of the liquid had emptied into me I quickly yanked the needle out and chucked the empty stimpak across the room.

I was still shaking as I sat and scrutinized over how my mouth felt. A burning sensation radiated from my mouth down my neck; I figured it must be working and lay back down on the mattress. I could feel my body giving out to exhaustion as it healed itself. An almost pleasant warmth spread across my body as I turned off my pip boy light and closed my eyes.

Dazzling lights appeared around me again, but this time I wasn't flying or moving at all. A dark silhouette in the shape of a person lie ahead of me, their darkness a stark contrast against the lights. I began to walk toward the silhouette, intrigued. When I reached the figure they looked to be crying from the way their shoulders were moving and their head lowered. I instinctively put my hand on their shoulder and they immediately stopped and froze in place. I stared as parts of them began to come into focus. A green hat…tan coat…this was MacCready. A voice deep in me whispered that this was just a dream- this wasn’t real, but I quickly forgot.

Mac slowly turned his head to look at me, tears still on his cheeks. I helped him turn to fully face me and began to wipe the tears from his cheeks with my forefinger.

“Mac, I’ve been trying so hard to find you.”

He stooped into my chest and buried his face there, wrapping his arms tightly around my midriff. In return I put my arms around him and squeezed. I could feel his warmth. I moved my hand up under the back of his cap and slowly ran my fingers through his hair. He squeezed me tighter, like I might run away.

The whisper came back telling me to remember this wasn’t real. That if I forgot I would be devastated when I woke up.

I moved back a step and put my hands on either side of Mac’s face, moving him to where I could look into his eyes. 

“You’re the only thing keeping me going.”

He gave an almost shy smile at my words and I leaned in to give him a kiss, just barely grazing my lips over his. My stomach flipped and filled with butterflies at the feeling.

A glimpse of someone off in the distance caught my eye for a brief moment, their bright yellow armor catching the flickering lights. I furrowed my brow and peered over Mac’s shoulder to try and make them out. They were motionless, almost brooding and they were just staring in our direction. It looked like they had an eye patch and the shape of their armor…were they a raider? It was definitely a man.

Mac interrupted my gaze by grabbing me by the hand. “What is it Elliot?”

I glanced back at him and gave a half smile. By the time I looked back toward the figure in yellow his head was lowered and he flickered away.

I pulled Mac close to me again and held him tightly.

I awoke to the blackness of the sewer, my arms wrapped around my sleeping bag like vice grips. All I could do was let out a small, pathetic whimper.


	27. The road

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Enjoy a double perspective feature this week <3 _

I couldn't stop thinking about what I’d read on that scrap of paper- nor could I shake the image of what I'd seen leaving the sewer. Like so many other things, it plagued my mind.

It hadn't taken me very long to get going once I'd woken up. The stimpak had done its job while I slept and I felt a lot better. I had crawled out through the opening to my hideaway and when I got on my feet and began to walk I stumbled over something. I looked down to see what it was and there sat the red headed courser, back leaned against the tunnel wall.

I'd held in a gasp and my first instinct was to run, but a closer look told me he wasn't getting up. He was smattered in blood and covered in wounds- the worst of which being a missing forearm. He'd fought those raiders and tracked me down, but died before he got to me. He stared ahead blankly, his eyes dead.

I looked him over for anything of use and only found a pack of cigarettes- not that I was complaining. As I was about to walk away something in his hand caught my eye. It was a scrap of paper and messily scrawled on it were the words:

**More will come.**

I crumpled the paper and threw it at his corpse. I didn't do the humane thing and close his eyes. I decided I’d leave him there to stare into nothing while he rotted away…or whatever synths did.

"I'm alive and you died with no name," I said aloud. I stared at him for a long moment and let those words sink in before I left.

The words on that paper stuck to me like glue. I wished throwing it away had wiped it from my mind. The Institute would never leave me be; they would hunt me forever. I told myself they'd never find me. I’d find them first.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hated to leave Elliot behind, but I had to be sure the place they wanted me to bring him was safe. As sure as I could be at least. If I needed to run it would be almost impossible lugging him on my back.

The contact ended up finding me, but they had to stay in Far Harbor and could not lead me where I needed to go. The directions they gave me were shaky at best and I didn't know this terrain at all.

After being turned down or flat out spit on by everyone I asked for help, a man named Old Longfellow found me. It was a lucky thing he did because I was ready to head out on my own. His nickname definitely fit him. He looked old enough to be my dad…or grandpa. His silver blue hair and beard may have made him look older, but I thought it probably matched his age. He wore a large navy blue long-coat with lots of buttons. I kind of liked it.

"You'll die without me," he told me as he leaned in close, his breath stinking of whiskey.

I let out a nervous laugh, but he clearly didn't find it funny. He did however seem sympathetic to what I was doing. He set me up with someone he promised I could trust watching over Elliot...provided I pay them well. He even helped me move Elliot to his cabin so the person watching over him could do so there. He claimed his cabin was one of the safest places on the island with the fog condensers all around it. They looked kind of scary- like poles with gizmos that attracted wispy ghosts to them where they were stuck whirling about for eternity. If it helped keep the fog at bay and Elliot safe though, I was all for it.

After getting Elliot situated and our supplies in order we left the cabin under cover of darkness. Longfellow said it shouldn't take us more than a day to get to Acadia. I tried to look stoic in front of the guy, but I was really a nervous wreck.


	28. Captain Shithead

The boat ride to Far Harbor as it was now called seemed to be an unending hell, but that was probably because I was so nervous. I tried so hard not to second guess myself. The lead I had wasn't very reassuring. I kept telling myself it was the best I had to work with- that it would all work out.

I'd come across a small caravan as I headed north and flagged them down to talk and buy some supplies. I asked them if they'd seen anyone with Mac's description, but it didn't ring a bell for them. I’d stocked up on some dried meat (I didn't ask what kind) and some water since I was running low on basics. It was honestly just nice to run into some people that weren't trying to murder me...even if they smelled like death. Thinking back, they probably thought I smelled like shit too. I had been sleeping in a sewer for days.

I snapped myself out of my thoughts as I heard something splash near the boat and a bit of frigid water hit me in the face. The boat was coming to a stop and the captain...whatever you wanted to call him...had thrown an anchor over the side.

"Why are we stopping?" I asked as I scanned the horizon. I could make out a small sliver of land ahead.

"This is as close to that damn place as I'll get," the man spat. He reeked of booze and must have been drinking as he piloted the ship. I figured there was no use in asking to speak with his manager.

"You're kidding me? You didn't mention this before we left!" I told him angrily.

I groaned and debated pushing his ass overboard and taking the boat. The last thing I needed was to come at him and find out he had some gun hidden in his coat. Dying out here on a boat seemed pretty counterproductive.

It was a piece of shit boat anyways.

"What am I supposed to do? Swim?" I asked him angrily.

Just as I said those words a chilling wind whipped through me like paper. I shivered and glared at him. He was a man of few words it seemed because he just stared back. Was this for real? I glanced around the boat and one of those red and white ring preservers caught my eye.

I walked over and snatched it off the side of the cabin. "I'm taking this then."

The guy started to step toward me, but I grabbed the handle of my bat and began to slide it from the top of my backpack. He stopped in his tracks and scowled.

"Fine just get going. I want to get away from this cursed place as fast as I can."

I let go of my bat and gave him the worst stink eye I could. "Thanks for the ride, Captain Shithead."

I threw the preserver off the side and climbed down a ladder next to it. I set my backpack on top of it and then I braced myself for the cold as I plopped into the water. It was fucking freezing and as it splashed up to my chin I lost my breath for a moment. I glanced back up at the boat to flip off the captain, but he hadn't even watched me go and I could already hear the engine priming up. I silently hoped it died on him on the way back, grabbed onto the edge of the preserver and kicked off the boat for some momentum.

I listened to the sound of the boat disappear behind me as I paddled my legs and pushed my floating supplies along ahead of me. The water was so murky it looked black and it creeped me out to think what could be lurking beneath me. I found that cursing as I swam didn't warm me up, but it still felt good. I told myself this would be a funny story to tell MacCready when I found him. Hell, maybe we'd go steal that asshole's boat one day. It would match my captain’s hat perfectly.

I don't know how long I swam, but by the time I got to land I was ready to pass out and it was very dark. I was lucky and didn't run into any mirelurks or other monsters; the water was already enough for me to deal with. As I wearily slogged out of the water, backpack dangling beside me from my arm, I realized how damn foggy this island was. It looked like I was lucky and had come up on a beach near some kind of settlement because down the shore a ways I could see the warm glow of lights as they flickered in and out of view in the fog. I thought I could make out the shape of a large dock as well. If I didn’t know how dangerous this world was now I would think it was a pretty sight.

Once I was completely out of the water I plopped down and sat in the sand. I debated if I should just camp right here til morning or head toward the lights. My strength was totally zapped, but I knew it could be really dangerous just sleeping on the beach in a completely unfamiliar place. I allowed myself to rest for a little while and drank some water, which gave me a little bit of energy back. I stared out at the empty water and the twinkling lights as I rested.

I finally willed myself to stand up. My legs were still a little shaky, but I could deal with it. I flicked my pip boy light on, bathing the area in a washed out pink hue. I tried my best to watch my footing as I made my trek.

When I finally got to the lights I could see that this was an actual small town, not a settlement. It wasn't too late yet so there were plenty of people milling about outside the buildings. They all looked weathered and gruff- more so than settlers in the Commonwealth. I began asking everyone I came across if they'd seen MacCready. The first few people told me to piss off or something similar. One told me I should know where he went and then wouldn't talk to me any further.

I was getting really frustrated and found myself in a bar and inn called The Last Plank. Cute. I bought aVim from the barkeep and began to question him about Mac.

"Oh yeah he left with Old Longfellow," he told me very matter of factly.

My eyes must have been the size of dinner plates.

"Weren't you with him when he got here? I thought he was trying to help you or something."

I was completely baffled.

"No...but I've been looking for him for quite a while now. Please tell me where he went."

The man began to open his mouth, but paused as if he may have said too much.

"How do I know you're not dangerous, friend?"

I slammed my palms down on the table and leaned toward him, ready to tell him I'd show him how dangerous I could be. I stopped myself. I knew violence wouldn't help me find Mac. I softened my face and looked down at my drink and then slowly looked around the bar, letting my nerves even out. It was so dark in here- dark and hazy. I took a long deep breath.

The barkeep stared at me. I looked back down at my drink. "Please..." I pleaded with him. "He's my..he’s my husband. I have to find him."

I brought my eyes up to look at him. He looked a little taken aback.

"Listen, I didn't know man." He sighed. "He and Longfellow- they headed to Acadia a few days ago. It hasn't been long."

My heart was jumping from my chest! I thanked the man profusely and began to run out of the bar, but I realized I had no idea what or where Acadia was. The barkeep showed me on an old tattered map and wished me luck, though still with a bit of skepticism. 

He also said that Old Longfellow would “fucking kill me if I was lying and really headed there to do harm.”  
I assured him that he needn't worry as I headed out into the night. I wasn't going to wait for morning and anyone or anything that got in my way would be eating shit.


	29. Red Door

It hadn't taken long for me to realize rushing off in the dark was an idiot idea. I had at best a vague idea of what direction to head based on a glance at a tattered map. Now I understood why someone in town had told me I was going to die if I headed out at night alone. It was doubly stupid considering the fact that I only had one good eye.

The farther I got from Far Harbor the more the fog closed in on me. It brought a horrible chill with it and slowed my already terrible progress to a crawl. After a while I could hear things off in the dark. They made awful slimy and skittering noises as I walked. If I stopped to look for what was making the sound it would go silent. All I could hear was my own breathing and the crunch of my shoes on gravel.

This was so unsettling. I walked with my bat at my side and made sure my pistol was within easy reach. I wondered if either could even hurt whatever was out there in the dark. I felt like the world was conspiring against me, but I reminded myself that I chose to run off into the dark. I was on my own here and I needed to keep calm.

It seemed like whenever the fog got denser the sounds got louder. I picked up my pace to almost a jog and looked for somewhere to hide until morning.

It didn't take long before I came upon what looked to be an old campground complete with tiny cabins. A bright red door on one of the cabins caught my eye so I rushed to it and barged my way in, slamming it behind me. I could immediately hear the sound of a ghoul pulling itself up from the floor with a long wet gurgle.

"Fuck."

I held my bat at the ready and waited for it to come at me. This one just stood in place and stared for a few moments and then slowly began to shuffle toward me, arms outstretched. I wondered if it still had some thought left in its brain.

Nope. As soon as it got halfway to me it began to run. I waited for it to get in swinging range and as soon as it did I smashed its head in with my bat. A wet cracking noise reverberated through the cabin as the ghoul fell to the floor and slid past me with the last of its momentum.

The cabin was tiny enough to see that there was nothing else inside to worry about. Just a tattered mattress, a wooden table and chairs missing most of their legs, and a big nasty looking moose head on the wall. I stared down at the ghoul. It had on a tattered ranger uniform and after a closer look I found a tarnished silver ranger badge in its pocket. I shined it up and with a chuckle pinned it on my bomber jacket.

Well, now I was a ranger and a captain; moving up in the world. I slowly cracked the door open and cautiously peeked outside. I didn't see anything so I quickly drug the ghoul over and shoved it outside. I didn't plan to stay more than the night, but I still didn't need to try and sleep with that thing's stink hovering around the cabin.

I drug the table and propped it against the door. It was flimsy, but better than nothing. I turned my attention to the mattress in the corner and with a long glare and a huff I flopped onto it on my back. As I laid there staring at the ceiling it crossed my mind that I'd forgotten to dig out my sleeping bag, but before I could will myself to go get it I was out like a light.

I awoke to sunlight filtering in the window straight onto my face, but it was an eerie hue. The fog outside was still lingering and I wondered if it ever went away or if it was a permanent thing here. I stumbled outside to go pee and realized the ghoul's body was gone. The area I'd thrown it had some blood and leading away from it were strange tracks like deep intermittent ruts in the dirt. I shivered at the thought of what could have left tracks like that and hurriedly relieved myself before I got my backpack and headed back to my trek. 

As I picked my way through some deep underbrush I wondered if dumb luck had saved my life by throwing that ghoul my way to feed whatever had been stalking me. I hoped I never found out what it was. After a while I finally came across a cracked and overgrown road leading up a steep hill. It looked like my sense of direction…or luck had served me well. Though I guessed I could be congratulating myself too soon. It wasn’t like there were any road signs telling me I was going to right way. From what little info I got on Acadia it sounded like the people living there didn’t want to be found.

After a fairly long uphill hike I was feeling pretty out of breath, but as I stared up at the dome of a large observatory I felt energized. The people here may not have wanted to be found, but they definitely picked a place that was hard to miss if you knew what you were looking for. A smile began to creep across my lips as I approached the building ahead. I wondered if MacCready had ever looked through a telescope- especially a huge one like this. For a moment I let myself imagine gazing up at the night sky with him. I felt almost giddy as I approached the first door I found. I was breaking into a full grin when I got to it.

As I began to reach for the doorknob I stopped in my tracks. It was as if I’d walked into a solid wall of freezing water. My ears rang and in an instant the door in front of me turned from gray to red. For a moment I squinted at the red; at the strangeness of the moment. The red slowly dripped in streaks down the door and I felt myself falling, the ringing growing louder. 

Stupid.

Let my guard down.

I lay on the ground, my knees buckled beneath me. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky. Its blueness began to form dark ragged edges as I started to black out. Mac’s face appeared above me, his rifle pointed down at me. I felt myself smile. I tried to speak. I tried so hard to hold onto consciousness.

“Mac…cready...why?”

I could hear the distant sound of a woman yelling, but that was all. The dark edges of my vision pulsated their way to Mac’s face, blotting him from view, and then all was black.


	30. Reunion

I sat on the bed next to Elliot, just watching him as he slept. Fate really can be funny. I wanted to think this was fate at least. I couldn't imagine what he'd been through to get here...to find me.

One moment I was about to pull the trigger and shoot him in the head, the next everything I knew was upside down again. I'd thought he was another synth copy- like the one that had visited me in Diamond City lockup- sent to kill me. That's the only way I could rationalize what had happened that night and then here came another one, about to head into Acadia. I hadn't thought about it. I just aimed and shot. Luckily I missed his heart, but it was close. Just another inch and he'd be dead.

I closed my eyes tight and fought back stinging tears. If Longfellow and that synth Pearl hadn't shown up when they did I would have killed him. I would have never known who he was, how important he was. It cut me to the core that I'd almost killed him. Would he forgive me? Could things be how they were? I felt like a piece of shit. 

I decided to sleep in a chair next to the bed at night. Part of me wanted to sleep in the bed with him and hold him tight, but it didn't feel right. Pearl had told me he wouldn't know anything. She said he would be very confused. It was up to me if I wanted to tell him what she'd told me. My mind wouldn't stop and I was up most of the night debating what to do even though I knew I had to tell him. This whole ordeal was making me sick, but I had to stay strong for Elliot. This could break him…it was hard enough on me. 

Days went by like this. I sat and waited, watched over him and changed his bandages. It was almost like old times. I wanted him to wake up so bad, but I was so afraid of it at the same time.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I awoke to total darkness in an unfamiliar bed. I began to sit up, but a horrible pain shot through my chest and up my left arm. I cried out in pain and confusion as my body collapsed back onto the bed. I caught the sound of someone moving nearby and tried to calm my breathing so I could listen closer.

Before I could calm down the mattress compressed from the weight of someone sitting on it near my head. A hand gently rested on my forehead as I began to remember what happened. I couldn’t believe I was alive.

"It's ok Elliot, I'm here..."

It was MacCready's voice. After all this time looking for him I'd found him...and he'd shot me.

"Mac...why?" Were the only words I could get to fumble from my mouth.

He took his hand from my forehead as if he were wincing. "I...I thought you were here to hurt me."

I didn't understand. Why would I hurt him? I slowly moved my arm and rested my hand on his leg. He was shaking.

"I've been through so much, just to find you."

He shook harder. He must have been crying. I was so confused and in so much pain. Why didn't he speak?

"Mac please, you can tell me whatever it is that's going on. What happened? How did I end up back in the vault? Why are you on this island?"

He was still silent.

"If this was your way of breaking up with me it was a little over the top. You could have just told me," I said jokingly. Hot tears began to streak down my cheeks.

He let out a tiny chuckle and I smiled through the pain. I was so glad I found him. It didn't matter if he shot me. Whatever the reason I knew he hadn't wanted to hurt me. It was some kind of mistake.

I felt him shift his weight off the bed a little and a few seconds later my pip boy light flickered on to illuminate the area. Mac looked so sad, so conflicted. My heart felt so glad to see him though. Even if I died from the gunshot at least I got to see him one more time.

"Mac, you gotta tell me what the hell is going on." I said in a low voice. 

He leaned over me, rested his forehead against mine and then pulled back. He looked into my eyes. His were baggy and streaked with red. “What happened when you woke up in the vault? What do you know Elliot?”


	31. Truth

Pearl had been right. Elliot didn’t know anything. He’d told me how he’d awoken in the vault, completely confused and lost. The last thing he’d remembered was being in bed after having his eye fixed and going into convulsions. He’d told me about Theodore and that The Railroad was compromised; he told me about the courser and how The Institute was chasing him. He’d been through an amazing amount of shit looking for me. As he talked I kept looking for something different about him. I couldn’t see anything to differentiate him from the Elliot back at Longfellow’s cabin. He even told me he couldn’t see out of his left eye. It was amazing.

I began to try and tell Elliot what I knew, but as soon as I mentioned Pearl he became very excited. He tried to get out of bed, said he had to see her.

“She’s the key MacCready!” He exclaimed at me. “She knows everything!”

“You can’t get out of bed! Don't move!”

I held his shoulders down and pleaded with him. “Please Elliot, I’ll tell you everything she told me and in the morning I’ll bring her to you. You have to rest!”

He kept struggling. I didn’t know what to do. I was told not to let him move around. They said he had bled so much internally and the wound was so close to his heart…exerting himself would reopen the wound and he’d likely bleed to death.

He kept pushing against my hands as hard as he could. If I didn’t stop him he was gonna keel over.

“Elliot we’ve never even met until now!” I told him roughly. The words just spilled out of my mouth. They had the affect I needed though- he instantly stopped struggling and stared at me, his mouth wide open.

“Wha…what do you mean? That makes no sense Mac…”

A horrible pang spread through my chest. Why did I just blurt that out…I guess it was better than him killing himself struggling like an idiot.

“Listen…you’re seriously gonna die if you don’t sit still Elliot. Why don’t…why don’t you rest a little and I’ll get Pearl for you.

“I need you to tell me what you meant by that.”

His eyes were as wide as dinner plates. Maybe he was putting it all together. I didn’t really know if he had it in him to accept it though.

“Elliot you uh…” I took his hands into mine and squeezed. “Elliot you’ve been asleep in that pod for a very very long time. This is your first time out in the world since the bombs fell.”

He started to shake, but wasn’t saying anything. He just shut his eyes and held onto my hands. 

“Do you want me to get Pearl?” I asked him. “She could explain it better than me…”

Tears were running down his face. I didn’t know if he could answer me.

“I’ll go get Pearl, OK? I promise I won’t be long. Please stay put.”

I ran as fast as I could to find her. I didn’t think her type slept anyways. I hoped meeting her would bring him some closure, help him come to terms with all this and keep him from trying to get out of bed.

It didn’t take me too long to find her, but when we got back to Elliot he looked limp. My heart fell down into my stomach as we approached the bed. He moved his eyes to look into mine as I bent closer to his face and my breath hitched in my throat. I fought back tears and smoothed back his hair.

“Elliot this is Pearl.”

He started to try and sit up, but she gently stopped him as she approached the bed. “Hello Elliot, I’ve known you a very long time.” 

I still found it hard to process a machine like this could be so empathetic. She was so obviously robotic, but at the same time she wore a pretty sun dress and floppy, flowery hat. She seemed to be kinder than most humans I'd met. I'd have to trust her and what she'd told me.

“I’ve always thought of you as a son,” she continued as she checked his bandages. They were completely soaked in shockingly bright red blood. She paused for just half a beat as she realized how bad it was, but pretended nothing was wrong.

Elliot’s eyes looked glazed over, but I could see he was listening.

“I and another robot, Theodore, watched over you for many years Elliot.”

At the mention of Theodore Elliot’s eyes lit up a little. “Theodore came with me, but he died…he blew up.”

Pearl sighed and continued with a frown. “I’d left Theodore powered down so I could come back and get him. He had a fail safe encoded in him. If he got a certain distance from the vault he would self-destruct. I took all the data from him though, we have it.”

Elliot nodded for her to go on.

“I hope you can forgive me for keeping you in that pod all those years. One day, I just decided I couldn’t do that to you anymore. I decided I had to leave and that I would come back for you and Theodore.”

Elliot furrowed his brow and coughed. “What were you doing to me?”

This whole conversation was so hard to listen to. To watch Elliot go through this, it was almost too much. I wouldn’t leave him though.

“The Institute was using you to test out the idea of humans living through synths while they slept in cryo-stasis. They said it was a safe way to live out in the radiation. You’ve lived quite a few lives Elliot- and every time one of your copies died…we wiped your mind and started over. I’m guessing you’ve had strange flashes or dreams. Those are your past lives.”

“Why me? Why did they do this to me…?” 

“I do not know why those chose you.”

Pearl glanced over at Elliot’s pip boy and picked it up. The pink glow of the screen reflected onto her pale white face. 

“This pip boy- this belonged to the last synth you lived through. He was a raider.”

Elliot clenched his fists. “I was a raider?” He croaked.

“Yes and an overboss I think they called you.”

“A raider…cut my eye out.”

“A raider cut your synth’s eye out. Something went wrong; your eye should be fine.”

Elliot looked like he was ready to break. I moved closer to the bed and crowded Pearl away. As she moved she whispered to me.

“I don’t think he is going to make it, he’s lost too much blood.”

Her remark was like a punch to my gut. I pulled her farther away from the bed and out of Elliot's earshot. “Isn’t there anything we can do?”

“I sent Longfellow to go get Elliot's synth from his cabin. His blood could save him, but they haven’t returned. Something must have happened.”

I glanced over at Elliot. He was so pale- almost lifeless. What had he done to deserve this? Did he have to die as soon as he found me? He had to be stupid and struggle like that…

“What about my blood?” I pleaded with her.

“You do not match, MacCready.”

With a heavy heart I went back to Elliot’s side and sat on the bed. He barely moved as I took his hand and ran my fingers through his hair. We’d never met before, but he was still the Elliot I knew.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was so scared. They seemed to think I didn’t realize I was dying. It was obvious. I could feel my body shutting down. I was a fucking idiot. I may have had a chance if I hadn’t fought so hard to get up. I could feel something tear inside me as I struggled against MacCready. At that moment I knew I was screwed.

It felt so good to have Mac holding my hand though- to feel his fingers through my hair. So many things flitted through my mind as I felt my life drain away. It was hard to believe I’d been living artificially through synths all this time, but I had no time to come to terms with it. I had to just accept what I was told. It made enough sense. I felt guilty for coming here now- for putting MacCready through this. I could see the pain in his eyes, could feel it to my bones.

I looked into Mac's eyes. "I love you MacCready, with all my being."

I closed my eyes. I couldn’t keep them open anymore. I could see the tree I’d found in that courtyard; the fireflies slowly rising from the grass as the sun set. I could feel Mac softly kiss my lips and then his tears falling upon my face as my mind began to go fuzzy.

The familiar darkness crept upon me and I knew this was the last time.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Nnngh.”

The slamming of a door and heavy footsteps jostled me from what must have been a deep sleep. I could see a figure approaching me through blurry eyes. I began to prop myself up and rubbed the sleep away. When I opened my eyes again an older gray haired gentleman in a long blue coat was staring at me with his mouth wide open.

I began to open my mouth to ask him where the hell I was, but he cut me off.

“Longfellow, you're really gonna need a drink now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been writing this just short of a year and all things must end, even this story. I can't tell you how much I have enjoyed writing this- how much I've enjoyed talking to people who have been reading it. You mean so much to me and so has this story.
> 
> Thank you to @fishplague for listening to me go on about my fic for so long and giving me input when I asked.
> 
> Thank you to @celestial-noise, @alistairshepherd @badcowboy69 and @schmutzdad for reading and talking to me about my story. You have no idea how great it's been. You make me smile.
> 
> I am still greatly inspired by Fallout and my sole, so I do plan to do more stories- just maybe not this sweeping, but who knows what the future holds! 
> 
> Thank you for reading and any feedback is so very appreciated.


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